


When A Friend Dies

by wavin_thruAwindow



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 15:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 24,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wavin_thruAwindow/pseuds/wavin_thruAwindow
Summary: The story starts at the end of the play.Jeremy gets out of the hospital. Rich heals fully.But Jeremy doesn't.A hospital mess up, an especially tough squip, Jeremy doesn't know the reason.All he knows is that he's dying.





	1. After The Hospital

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: MOST LIKELY SADNESS AHEAD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the setup. I guess a little bit of sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadness, I guess?

His head was hurting.

This wasn't unusual for him.

But still.

It hadn't stopped hurting in the last few days.

"Ugh..." he groaned, rubbing his forehead. It was only the morning, and he already felt ready to take a sick day.

"You okay?" Michael asked, shaking his elbow.

"I'm fine." Jeremy gritted his teeth and smiled at his friend.

"Your head has been hurting non-stop the last few days." Rich noticed.

Jeremy opened his mouth to counteract this argument, but then he heard "Heere, Jeremy?"

Usually, he said _I'm present,_ but he was distracted, so he said "Here!"

Snickers ran through, but he didn't care. He only concentrated on rubbing his forehead in small circles around on each side. Left right, left right, left right...

Before he knew it, the class was over. His next class, he had none of his close friends, so he darted off without having to wait for anyone.

Rich was getting suspicious. So was Jeremy. He hadn't had a free moment to his head since the hospital.

He had woken up. Rich was there, he was healed completely from his squip. They had done a brain surgery on him to get the computer out. Jeremy asked not to. They said that he might need a surgery someday in the future, but it wasn't urgent. It wouldn't kill him.

He got back to school, asked Christine out to lunch, and she said yes. And now they were dating.

But it had been almost two weeks now.

Shouldn't his head be fine now?

The day passed by very, very slowly. After a couple hours, it was lunch. He ate lunch with his close friends, and his girlfriend; Christine, Michael, Jenna, Chloe, Brooke, Rich, and Jake. It was silent when he got there.

"Hey, guys...?" He said as he hesitantly sat down.

"How's your dad doing?" Jenna asked, casually trying to start up a conversation.

Jeremy smiled. "He's great! I'm glad he's finally taken control of his life. And now he's a lot of fun, and we spend a lot of time together."

"That's great, Jeremy!" Brooke smiled at him.

The table fell silent again, uncomfortably. It lasted like this for a couple minutes before Jeremy put down his sandwich. "What's up?" he asked.

"Jeremy..." Christine grabbed his hand. "Michael's worried about you. We're all worried about you."

"...Why?"

"Your head has been hurting the last few weeks and it hasn't stopped," Jake said, leaning forward.

"Guys..." Jeremy scoffed. "I know, it sucks, but it's gonna take a while to recover from the squip. I'll be fine. Just a little bit more recovering. It's not going to happen overnight."

"But Rich recovered. He's fine now." Chloe spoke up.

"Well.... he was in the hospital for longer than me. And he had surgery. But I don't need surgery as much as he needed it. I'll be fine." And Jeremy finished the conversation by making a show of shoving his sandwich in his mouth.

"Okay..." the table muttered uncertainly, and they all spoke quietly for the remainder of lunch.

Jeremy's head still hurt, but he was careful not to show it.

He usually walked home these days. Michael's house was closer to the school, and Michael walked with him until he had to go inside.

But before that happened, when school ended, Jeremy went inside the bathroom. He locked himself inside and slid down to the floor. His breath was shaky, and then tears started flowing, though he didn't know why.

The pain was never-ending. He wished it would stop.

What is something happened that couldn't be fixed?

What if he would be in pain like this for the rest of his life?

_The pain.... make it stop. Please make it stop. I just want to be okay. Please._

Finally, he picked himself off the bathroom floor. He walked home, Michael by his side. He would usually tell Michael, but Michael had been being loaded with crap lately. It might hurt him.

"See you later, Jer," Michael smiled, waved, and went inside his home.

Now that Jeremy was alone, he allowed himself to groan out loud. He got home and found a note on his counter.

_Buying a new couch. Be home soon. -Dad_

Jeremy went upstairs, leaving his backpack sitting on the table. He went into his room, closed his door behind him...

and screamed.

 

 

 


	2. A Shocking Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy is re-visited by an old frenemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Jeremy's about to get crushed on --not like, love crushed, like emotionally crushed. Not involving love.

He screamed because his head exploded. And it exploded again. And again.

It was literally exploding.

At least, that's what it felt like.

How many times did a wave of pain have to sweep over him?

He was screaming into his pillow, bashing his own head, pulling at his hair, still screaming.

He was trying anything to make it go away.

His screaming conjoined with hysterical crying so it was a mix of the two. That was the last thing he heard...

He didn't even realize he had blacked out until his eyes reopened. His head, though still slightly aching, had calmed down. He looked at his clock. He had been out for nearly an hour!

He tried to stand up, but a sharp pain went through his body, and he had a faint idea why when he looked up.

After his encounters in the last few months, he didn't think he would ever be able to look at the normal Keanu Reeves the same way again.

But here was his. His duplicate.

His squip.

Very, very warped. Staticy. Fading in and out of view.

"You should be gone..." Jeremy sighed, falling back onto his bed.

"You won't _Watashiwomite_ again after _Kyō..._ ahem, today."

Jeremy blinked his surprise. "You're speaking Japanese again."

" _Hai_. I mean... yes." The squip tried to maintain his formal style, but it was hard. The squip was dying and they both knew it.

"Why are you here?" Jeremy asked breathlessly.

" _Jeremī, Watashi wa kore o iu koto ni tsuite subayaku suru tsumoridesu. Anata wa shinde iru._ " After the squip realized what he said, he groaned. It was a faint sound.

"...What?" Jeremy and the squip were both in pain, talking quietly.

The squip spoke slower and in a more somber tone.

"Jeremy... you are dying."

It felt like a blow to the stomach. Jeremy shook his head.

"No, I'm not dying. You're mistaken."

"Those _Zutsū_ you've been having? That burst of pain you just had? You're going to _Shinu_ , Jeremy."

Jeremy knew what those words meant from context, but he still shook his head.

"That doesn't mean anything. I went through a traumatic experience, and have had some headaches because of it. It's nothing."

"It's not _Nanimonai, jeremī_. You are in big trouble. I can see what is happening inside you. I'm dying. I'm about to die right now. But I can see what's happening inside your body."

Jeremy crossed his arms. His fear was spiking, but he was still suspicious. "Then prove it," he said. "How do I know you're not just lying again?"

"Because of _ryōshi butsurigaku, jeremī. Watashi wa anata no naka ni sumu sūpākonpyūtadesu. Watashi wa nani ga okotte iru no ka shitte imasu. Anata no kokoro wa, mainichi osoku natte imasu. Anata no jinzō to men'eki-kei wa shippai shite imasu. Anata no chi wa yogorete imasu. Gan'yaku wa anata no nō to kongō shite, byōki ni narimasu. Sore wa anata ni kansen shite imasu. Byōin wa anata ni tadashī kusuri o ataemasendeshita, soshite, karera wa anata ni amarini mo ōku o ataemashita. Watashi no kotoba o ii nasai, jeremī. Watashi o shinjite._ "

Jeremy simply blinked. "Yeah... I have no idea what you just said."

The squip growled in frustration. He walked forward and grabbed Jeremy by the shoulders. "Jeremy, I literally do not have the energy to lie to you right now. I know I've lied to you before, but I swear I'm not now. Do you trust me?"

Jeremy looked into his squip's eyes.

And he saw that the squip was not lying.

"Oh god." Jeremy backed away, covering his face with his hands. "I'm dying. Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god oh my god."

He fell into sobs. The squip put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Jeremy didn't pull away.

"How long do I have?" Jeremy asked through his hands.

" _Nishūkan_." The squip said. Then he groaned again. "Two weeks."

"Oh god." Jeremy's voice broke and gave away, and he sobbed for a long time.

He was going to die.

What was he going to tell the others?

"How long do you have?" Jeremy looked up at the squip with tearful eyes.

"Not long. I'm dying. I'm _mojidōri_ about to die."

"Right now?"

" _Tattaima_."

Jeremy wiped the snot away. "Goodbye. Um... thanks, too."

The squip smiled at Jeremy. " _Sayōnara, jeremī_."

And then the squip was gone forever.

And then Jeremy was alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if anyone could tell, the Japanese might not be correct... I ran it through Google Translate.  
> Lol!  
> So, sorry if he's like, saying something about fish instead of saying something about Jeremy dying.


	3. Keeping A Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy deals with the newfound information that his squip has told him, and considers telling people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay this story's fun MWA HA HA

"Jeremy!" His father's voice from downstairs nearly startled him out of his skin. "I'm home!"

Jeremy took a shaky breath. He felt nauseous again.

He didn't know if it was because he knew he was dying...

or that he was dying.

"Coming," he yelled just loud enough so his dad could hear him. He washed his face so he looked a little cleaner. He had tried doing his homework but simply couldn't focus. He would try to do it after dinner.

Turns out, when his father actually tried and put his mind to it, he was an _excellent_ cook. That night for dinner was homemade macaroni and cheese, with strawberry rhubarb pie for dessert.

He wanted to dig in right away, but he mostly picked at it. He usually engaged with his father's topics for discussion, but this time let his father's voice do all the talking, not really listening. His voice was like an old radio, playing in the background.

"Hey, you okay"? You seem pale." Jasper Heere finally noticed his son's discomfort.

Jeremy's mind raced a mile a minute.

_What about Michael?_

_What about Christine?_

_What about everyone else?_

_What about school?_

_Can I be saved?_

_What about Dad?_

**_What sho_ _uld I_ _do?_ **

His brain was facing so fast, he said nothing. And he said it quickly. It definitely caused room for suspicion.

"Are you sure?" he asked, not thoroughly convinced.

"I'm sure," Jeremy lied more smoothly this time. He smiled. "Sorry."

Dinner ended and he went upstairs, in a daze once again. He phoned one of his contacts. He wasn't entirely sure which one until the picked up.

"Hello? Jeremy?" Brooke asked.

"Hey, Brooke, there's something I have to tell you..." Jeremy looked down at his knees. His head was starting to hurt again.

"Sure, what's up?" she asked casually.

But this wasn't really casual.

The fear got the better of him.

How would they treat him if they knew he was dying?

What would they do?

They'd be in pain also.

He couldn't-wouldn't-do that to his friends.

"Um... just saying hello."

"Um... hi? You had to tell me hi?"

They both laughed and hung up. Jeremy then put the phone back on his dresser, teary-eyed. He couldn't tell anyone. At least, not yet. Or else they'd be in pain too.

He lay back in his bed, and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to carry him away.

****_One week, six days left..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well  
> Now no one knows he's dying  
> Not good


	4. A School Day Feels Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Jeremy knows that he's dying, he has no idea what he's supposed to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkwardness??

He woke up the next day, feeling extremely tired, with a strong headache. He got ready for school cheerily. It was only once he was in the bathroom, checking himself out in the mirror, what the squip had told him yesterday.

"Oh no..." he groaned, covering his face with his hands. He tried his very best not to cry, which took several minutes. Finally, he was able to get his hyperventilating breaths under control and get ready for school.

"Hey, Jer!" Michael smiled at him and slid onto the bus next to Jeremy.

"Hey," Jeremy said quietly. He stared back out the window.

He would never be a dad.

He would never graduate.

He wouldn't experience a wedding or seeing his child for the first time.

"Are you okay? Is your headache back?" Michael asked, rubbing Jeremy's back.

"I'm fine." he turned back around. Michael's hand left Jeremy.

Michael knew he wasn't fine. Jeremy had been more withdrawn since the whole squip incident. Quieter. But who could blame him? He probably had a lot of guilt in his conscious, stirring around that had to be disposed of. And that is why Michael didn't pry.

But what Michael didn't know was that Jeremy _wanted_ him to pry. So he would have a reason to confess what was going to happen to him.

They got to school, and Jeremy wandered in a daze. He got through classes like a zombie, and couldn't bear to face his friends in the lunchroom. He spent the lunch period in the library. The only con was that was that no food could be eaten in there... so he would basically starve.

At this point, Michael knew something was up.

"Jeremy was acting really withdrawn this morning, and has been stumbling through classes like an undead." Michael leaned forward and whispered to the rest of the squip squad.

"He's here?" Jake asked, looking around.

"I had thought he was absent," Christine asked, picking at her fingernails.

"No, he's here. And something's wrong. I think we should go find him."

When everyone agreed, everyone took their lunches and walked out of the lunchroom, searching for their friend. A new group of people took the table that they had left behind.

Meanwhile, Jeremy was in the library, feeling sorry for himself. He couldn't eat in the library, and he was going to die. It felt like every swallow he took was a battle to keep the tears under control.

_Why am I acting like this?_

_Can't I just enjoy my last week here?_

He sat up, a rebellious thought coming to his mind.

What he did in the next week and six days wouldn't matter once he was gone.

He could do whatever he wanted.

He could enjoy his life without worrying about his impending doom.

And he would tell his friends.

 _That's it,_ Jeremy thought, standing up and heading for the door. He would tell his friends that he was dying, so they wouldn't be as hurt when the day came. And they would understand why he had been acting withdrawn, glum. Rebellious.

As luck would have it, when Jeremy walked out of the library, there were his friends, sprinting down the hallway at full speed towards him.

"Jeremy!" Chloe screamed, launching onto him, making him crash onto the marble floor.

"Ouch!" he complained.

"Whoops! Sorry..." Chloe said as she was dragged back by Brooke. Christine was glaring at her.

"Where were you?" Rich asked, stepping forward, and helping Jeremy to his feet.

Jeremy motioned to the door he had just come through. "The library, obviously."

They all went silent as Michael spoke.

"Jer, I have _never_ seen you in a library before."

"Well, I just didn't feel like going to the lunchroom."

"Another headache?" Christine asked.

Everyone fell silent, as Jeremy shuffled his feet.

"What's going on, Jeremy?" Brooke asked, arms folded. "What was with that weird call yesterday?"

 "It was nothing." Jeremy was still staring at his feet.

"Don't tell us it's nothing." Michael contradicted.

Here it was. The perfect opportunity to tell the truth. He looked up at his friends who loved him. He looked each one in the eye, knowing they wouldn't be around forever.

He opened his mouth. "I'm..."

No matter how hard he tried to say the last word, he couldn't. He just couldn't. He wiped away the tears that had started forming and rolling down his cheeks.

"Jeremy, you can tell us. Please, trust us. We'll understand." Christine grabbed his hand. "What's going on?"

Jeremy shook his head. "No, it's nothing. I'll see you guys later." He ran the opposite direction as the bell rang. His friends stood by the library entrance, confused and scared for him. But for now, they had to get to class.

Jeremy hid inside a janitor's closet as he heard a loud ruckus of people walk and talk past him. The tears continued to pour, and he couldn't get his breath under control. Once he felt dizzy, he slid to the bottom of the closet.

He didn't know how long he was on the floor of that janitor's closet, wiping away his tears as best he could and get his heartbeat rate normal again. Then he remembered his thoughts from the library. Have fun. He needed to get out of his head. He couldn't be like this for much longer, or else people would get more suspicious than they already are. If he started acting effectively, his friends would just think he had been an emotional teenager, with a migraine problem. They would leave him alone.

Still, he couldn't understand why he couldn't get the word _dying_ out of his mouth. He felt more guilty about that than anything else right then. He needed to get somewhere to get out of his head. maybe he could have an early senior ditch day. A junior ditch day. To the movies. He would have to walk past his current class to get through the front doors, however. So that's what he did. He walked straight past his current class, peering through the window. He shared that class with Christine.

And a couple minutes before, Christine had noticed Jeremy wasn't in class. She cut him some slack, as he had an emotional breakdown a couple minutes before.

Then half an hour passed, and she was really wondering where he was. Her eyes strayed to the window on the door, and she stared through it. A figure walked past, and she locked eyes with him.

Then Jeremy walked on after making eye contact with his girlfriend, out the front doors of the school.

And Christine knew that if someone was passing this classroom, they were heading outside into the open.

This wasn't Jeremy.

What was he doing?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also wanted to apologize a little because I barely know how AO3 works. Sorry for bad formatting.  
> also, sorry if I forget that Jenna exists. I tend to do that sometimes lmbo


	5. The Rebellion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of time passes. Jeremy has changed and hurts one of his friends. Meanwhile, Christine, Michael, and the others have started to conspire...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably put this at the end of the chapter, but too bad.
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!!!
> 
> I'll be honest when I tell you I wasn't expecting ANYONE to read this!!
> 
> Ya'll are awesome! And yes, I just said ya'll. Now enjoy the chapter.

"Jeremy. I'm wondering why I have four emails about you missing class," His father asked him when he got home.

He had been playing Apocalypse of the Damned in the game store most of the afternoon with other people. Apparently, there was a tournament that day.

He beat level nine with a guy named Dave.

Not with Michael.

With _Dave_.

Jeremy shrugged. "I didn't go to those classes."

His father folded his arms. "And why not?"

Jeremy tried to think of a way he could tell his father. Could he? Or what would happen to him? Would he go into withdrawal like what had happened when his mom left?

Or would he understand?

_Take him to the hospital, where he could get surgery, and be fixed-_

"Jeremy?"

Jeremy came back to reality and took a deep breath.

"Have you ever felt like there's this huge thing on your back, facing you in the eyes, and you're unable to escape it? It's just... weighing you down, and you can't do anything about it? And the only way it seems you can escape it is... getting rid of a part of your life that you won't have for much longer anyway. But..." He swallowed. "it doesn't. The huge thing on your back stays there, even... even if you win a big victory with a new friend, it's not the same as what you could have had if you won it with the person who's been by your side the whole time."

Jeremy was surprised with himself.

Jeremy's dad blinked in surprise. "Um... that was very beautiful Jeremy, but you can just come right out and say it."

"I'm dying," he whispered.

"What was that?"

"I'm... going to be like Eminem soon!" and then he ran upstairs.

His father was surely confused.

...............................................................................

The next three days were Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.

He missed Monday.

His father thought it best after the weird way he had been acting.

One week and three days left.

"Hey, Jenna!" he said as he walked through the doors to the school the day after that.

She looked at him oddly. "Are you okay? Where were you yesterday?"

"Taking a 'mental health day.' Do you know what lessons I missed in math?"

"Um... page 324... Jeremy, we all know something's up. You can't hide it from us."

"I could probably hide it from Jake. He's kind of stupid, and he's never really cared about me."

Jenna gasped under her breath, her eyebrows furrowing, and she opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but she let it slide and her mouth closed again. She sighed. "You can tell _me_."

"No offense, but I can't tell _you_ ," Jeremy said, trying to shrug her away. "You'll probably just blab to the entire school."

Jenna grabbed his arm. "You have my word that I won't tell anyone except the people who need to know!"

Jeremy scoffed and ripped his arm away as he continued down the hall.

As he stormed down the hall, the guilt set in. Why did he talk to Jenna like that? She only wanted to help. He turned back around, but Jenna was gone. He only was her blur as she turned a corner, covering her face.

_Now you've done it, Jeremy._

...................................................

He couldn't shake the guilty feeling all day. He didn't think before saying those words. Not only that, he talked bad about Jake, too - someone he knew Jenna liked. A year ago, he wouldn't think Jenna got upset easily. But now he knew her. And knew what deep problems she had, just like everyone. Deep, sensitive problems- he knew this, especially after the squip events.

But he had deep problems, too! Surely she would understand?

No. He was sick to his stomach as he entered the lunch room, and was worried about what to say to her. Jenna was smiling, talking to her friends, but she shut down when Jeremy walked towards them and sat down.

In fact, the whole table shut down.

"...Hi?" he said, confused. He smiled at Christine, kissed her, and turned to Michael. "You want to come over after school today?"

He forced a smile, but another sad pang hit his heart, knowing they would only be able to do this a handful of times more... 10 times at most.

"Uh... sure," Michael said, clearly surprised.

Jeremy twiddled his thumbs on his lunch tray as the uncomfortable silence almost suffocated him.

The discussions were hesitant at first, but Jenna continued to stare down at her sloppy joe.

"Hi, Jenna," Jeremy said to her as if they were saying hi to each other for the first time that day. He smiled at her. She glanced up, her face raw.

"Um... I'll be right back," she said, fighting the tremble in her voice. She set her tray down on top of the garbage can and ran.

Jeremy sighed. "I'm going after her." He got up and ran. Everyone else had no idea what was going on.

"Alright, guys! Listen up!" Michael said as soon as Jeremy was out of the room. "Something's going on with Jeremy, so we need to pry it out of him, alright?"

Everyone nodded affirmatively, especially Christine, who, through a silent agreement, was already assigned vice president of this cult.

"Let's make a plan."

......................................

"Jenna, come out." Jeremy was outside the girl's bathroom, listen to Jenna cry.

"No!"

Jeremy sighed, loud enough to hear, and then was completely silent. Hopefully, she would think he went away, and he hid behind the corner of the hallway.

It worked after a couple moments. Jenna unlocked the door, checking both directions, and headed towards the library.

Jeremy tiptoed up beside her.

"Jeremy, get a clue!" she shoved him away, walking with such stomps and such control one might think she was the daughter of the president.

Jeremy grabbed her arm, just as she had grabbed him that morning. He wheeled her around, so she had no choice but to face him.

"I really want you to know that I'm sorry."

Jenna stared at the floor, keeping tears in.

"Look at me."

She did.

"I am sorry."

She grumbled something under her breath and dragged him down the hallway until they ducked into a janitor closet. "That was a _little_ uncalled for this morning!" she hissed.

"I know. I really am sorry."

When Jenna looked at Jeremy's face, she knew he meant it. She released the breath she was holding.

"Well, I'm sorry I overreacted. I know, I shouldn't cry over that, but..." she trailed off as Jeremy shook his head.

"No, it's okay. What I said was rude, and some people, I'm sure, cry a _lot_ more than you do."

Jenna just had to laugh, but her smile faded quickly. "I'm just annoyed you won't tell us what's going on."

Jeremy exhaled, running his hands through his hair. A headache was coming on.

_Should I tell her?_

"Jeremy?"

He opened his eyes to see Jenna in the dimly lit closet, her hands at her chest, looking like an innocent little kid.

Jeremy sighed, and then said, "What the hell." He put his hands to his face. He pulled them away a couple seconds later and looked Jenna straight in the eye.

"Don't freak out, okay?"


	6. The Truth Comes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenna finds out the truth

"Oh...." Jenna was at the floor of the broom closet. "Oh my god. What the hell. Oh my god."

Jeremy stood idly by, awkwardly. A headache was searing in his mind, and his gut was on fire, too, but he tried to disguise it. Now wasn't exactly the best time to have a physical _or_ mental breakdown.

Jenna was allowed to.

"I know it's a lot to take in..." Jeremy started.

"What were you _thinking,_ you idiot?" Jenna yelled, standing up. "Who else have you told?"

Jeremy hesitated. That was enough answer for Jenna.

"You-" Jenna raised her hands as if to hit him, but decided against it. "Do you understand how idiotic you are? This is life and death, and you're not even telling the people you love! What about Michael? Christine? The rest of us? Your _dad_?!"

"Okay, I get it, I'm an idiot," Jeremy said, raising his hands in defeat. He was trying to listen, but the headache was getting worse, and it took all he had not to sink to the bottom of the closet.

"No, I don't think you do! And I _need_ you to understand. You can't just suddenly drop dead one day.... okay, you can, people do it all the time. But the point is, if you know you're going to die, you have to tell people! Do you know how much this could hurt-Jeremy?"

Jeremy couldn't hide the pain that was consuming his entire body now. Without really meaning to be, he was on the floor, head in hands. He lay on his side, and he started to sob. Violent, hideous sobs that racked his body. For more reasons than one.

_Why can't this pain go away?_

_Why me?_

_Why did I lie to my friends?_

_Why?_

Jenna had turned quiet, not knowing what to do. After a couple minutes, when the fit of pain had quieted down, Jenna said "I'll go get help."

Before she could exit the closet, Jeremy had her arm in his hand, and used it to hoist himself up into a sitting position, wincing. "Sorry about that," he muttered.

"Don't apologize for _dying_ ," Jenna said, a little harsher than she meant.

"That's only happened once before, before I knew I was dying."

"How did you find out?" Jenna asked softly.

So Jeremy told her the story, from after the play to the present.

Jenna sat, digesting everything for a moment, before she started to sob, too.

"Jenna. Jenna, look at me." Jeremy had to say her name several times before she would look up. Both their faces were shining with tears. "I don't deserve tears, okay?"

Jenna shook her head, but stopped crying.

"It... must be awful." Was all Jenna could think to say.

"Yeah," Jeremy agreed.

There were a couple more seconds of silence before Jenna said,"They're probably curious as to where we are right now." She stood up. "I'll tell them, okay?"

Jeremy stood up to stop her, a little too fast, so he winced as he said "No."

Jenna made a noise between a sigh and a groan as she felt her face go red. "Not back to this, Jeremy. They deserve to know. They're your friends, Jeremy. You need to tell them. And if you can't, I can."

"I know, but.... let _me_ tell them. Okay? Please. I need to. And.... you can tell one person."

"But-"

" _One person_. And please don't do it right away, and please swear them to secrecy. I'll.... try and tell Michael when he comes over this afternoon. Don't tell anyone else. _Do you promise?"_

Jenna hesitated.

"Please, Jenna." Jeremy looked her straight in the eyes.

Jenna groaned into her hands. "Oh my _god,_ Jeremy, you idiot." But when Jenna looked up again, she wasn't crying or angry. Just a sad smile.

They finally emerged from the closet, seeing the rest of the crew barrelling towards them.

"Why were you in the broom closet?"

"Is Jenna okay?"

"Jenna, did he tell you anything?"

Jenna laughed a little, but Jeremy could still see doubt and sadness in her eyes. "I'm fine, guys."

Christine looked intensely at Jenna. "Did he tell you anything?"

Jenna bit her lip, and glanced at Jeremy. This was one of the hardest things for her to do, keep secrets.

Jeremy's eyes were pleading.

_Don't tell them._

"Jeremy is... fine," Jenna said slowly, turning on her heels towards the crowd. "We were in the broom closet because we had a fight this morning and he needed to apologize."

Jeremy exhaled air he didn't even realize he was holding.

No one looked convinced, but it caused a distraction for a couple days. In that time, Jeremy would try and tell Michael, and Jenna tell... whoever she chose.

The bell rang, and everyone split off. Jenna came up to Jeremy again.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Jenna responded with a tight squeeze around his waist, tighter than Jeremy imagined. Jeremy hugged back until they had to split up.

The last thing that happened before Jenna left was her saying, "I'm telling Christine." Then rounding the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought I'd let Jenna know about the news, and it'll be kind of a character arc for her, because she never keeps secrets. Jenna's the girl who's all about the gossip, so when she promises to keep it a secret, it's a big moment for her character.
> 
> That's what I was thinking, at least.


	7. Some Bad News and Some Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy struggles to find a way to tell Michael.

Michael came over to Jeremy's house, as planned. They settled on playing Apocalypse of the Damned again, level nine, which they still hadn't beaten.

At least, Michael hadn't.

"You have to roll under that zombie, and then jump over the one behing it. That's the easiest way to get past them. And try using your combo on the horde in the back." Jeremy instructed, focusing on the screen, remembering back to that day in the arcade when he beat this level with a total stranger. And how he learned how to do it.

They beat it quickly.

Michael stared in stunned silence at the screen for a few seconds, and Jeremy stared down, uncomfortably. Another headache was surfacing.

He expected Michael to jump up and start cheering, since they'd been working on that level for so long, but he didn't. He turned to Jeremy and said, "How.... why? How did you know all that?"

Jeremy fidgeted with the _X_ on the controller. "I've.... been studying the level."

"Jeremy! You aren't supposed to do that!" Michael smiled, and nudged Jeremy in the ribs, though there was slight annoyance and sadness in his eyes. Jeremy tried to hide his wince as Michael's elbow jabbed him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I wanted to finish that level before-"

"Before what?"

Jeremy sighed and put his controller down. "I.... beat the level with someone else. I'm sorry."

Michael blinked. "Y-you did? How? When? Why? With who?"

"I, um, don't know. I was going through a hard time.... I still am.... I ditched school and went to the arcade. They were playing the game there, so I.... joined in."

Michael blinked again, and looked down at his lap. "Oh."

Jeremy could almost feel the tension radiating off his body, and he could say the same for Michael.

"Um, but I really need to tell you something. I've been hiding something from everyone that I really need to come clean about, but you have to keep it a secret."

"Okay." Michael was picking at his sneaker.

Jeremy swallowed the tears and mucus in his throat. He couldn't bear to see Michael like this. He remembered their big fight a couple weeks ago, and he refused to die before having things better between them.

"Before I tell you, though, I need to make sure that this won't ruin our friendship."

"Uh-"

"Jeremy!" Mr. Heere entered the house. "Hey, Michael. I'm sorry, but tonight isn't really the best night for you to be over. Hou about coming over tomorrow night?"

"We'll have to see," Michael said, standing up. He was still facing away from Jeremy. "Um, I'll see you around."

He left the house. Jeremy felt awful.

"Jeremy, I have to tell you something, and I don't know if you'll necessarily enjoy it." Jeremy's father sat down on the couch across from him.

"...Yes?" Jeremy's heart pace quickened.

"I got a job offer in New York," his father started slowly. Jeremy's heart was as fast as a racehorse, which then skidded off the side of a cliff. "And?"

"...I think I'm going to take the job. I'd be needed there in about a week."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT? PLOT TWIST!!  
> I don't know.  
> Anyway, I'm thinking that I know, Michael's kind of mad at Jeremy for a stupid reason. But it's not just this. He's annoyed that Jeremy won't tell him, or text him after he left, he's annoyed that everything between them seems to be fracturing. So that's what I'm trying to go for, he should explain it more in the next chapter.  
> Anyway, have fun with the cliffhanger :)


	8. Harder than it Seems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenna chases down Christine to tell her the news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy frick there's been like four chapters on one day, a week and three days left. I'll start skipping ahead a little, sorry if this is like really long  
> I'll try rushing through the next few days because I've spent a lot of chapters on one day and I don't want this story to be 50 chapters long.

"I'm telling Christine," said Jenna as she rounded the corner.

Once he was out of her sight, she bit her lip. That was the _last_ person Jeremy would want her to tell.

But she had to know.

She knew it was wrong to feel angry, but she felt it anyway. How could he hide this from her? From Michael and Christine? From his _parents_ _?_ It took all of her willpower not to tell everyone she knew, considering her usual nature. It wasn't even entirely because she was a gossip, _people needed to know._

But she swore.

It didn't make it any harder. Her mouth was set in a grim line the entire day, trying not to scream. When she finally got home, it felt like months.

"How was your day?" her mom asked.

She tried her best fake smile. "Fine."

_I found out my friend is going to die in a little more than a week,_ is what she left out.

She called Christine right away.

"Hey, Jenna, need anything?" Christine asked politely.

Jenna opened her mouth but stopped. Her tongue became tied, preventing any words. All that came out was a strangled garb of sound.

"...Are you okay?" Christine asked.

"Fine," Jenna gasped for air. She couldn't tell her over the phone. She said the first thing that popped into her head: "Sleepover?"

Jenna could feel the confusion through the phone. "Tonight?"

"Sure!"

"It's a school night." Was Christine's obvious answer. She always said this.

"So? It'll be fun! We could have a pillow fight, and experiment with makeup, talk, and gossip-" her throat made a strangled pained sound again because she could guess the sleepover would end when they got to the talking bit.

"Would it be just us?"

Jenna started to say _no_ out of habit, but she had to remind herself this was not a normal sleepover. "Yes."

"No offense, Jenna, but why? I mean, sure, we're friends, but we haven't been super close yet. We talk, but we have our closest friends. Why the sudden hospitality?"

She had a point, and it made Jenna a little sad to admit. "Well, I'm sorry about that. I wanted to become closer friends with you for a while. Will you accept this token of friendship?"

She realized it was true as she said it.

There were several seconds of aggravating silence before Christine sighed and said "Okay." Then after a second, "You're going to make me fail my final tomorrow."

Jenna laughed, but it stopped short when the news she would have to give Christine would make her sarcastic comment a reality. "Can you come over at seven?"

"I'll be there."

They hung up, with Jenna trying to focus on her homework afterward, to no avail. She wondered how Jeremy's conversation with Michael was going.

Probably not well.

..............................

Christine came over at seven, as planned. They had dinner, popcorn with a movie, and laughed. It certainly brought them closer.

They were in Jenna's room, whispering and giggling when the news poked back at Jenna's mind.

"Are you okay?" Christine asked when she saw Jenna's expression.

Jenna, being a sensitive soul, started crying again.

How would she do this?

Maybe she understood Jeremy's motives a little better.

And if  _Jeremy_ couldn't tell people, she certainly couldn't tell Christine.

Then again, Jeremy had been able to tell one person.

Maybe two, if he had followed out with his discussion with Michael.

She was so caught up in her own thoughts, she hardly noticed Christine hugging her, whispering "It's okay. Calm down."

When Jenna had indeed calmed down, Christine pulled away and asked, "Now what was that about?"

Jenna opened her mouth, knowing she wouldn't be able to say the two words but trying anyway. Instead, she got out "I need to tell you something but I don't know if I'll be able to, or if you'll be able to hear it."

There! That should be a good starter! Now she just had to let Christine prick and pry at her until she was _forced_ to reveal the news.

"Ooooh..." Christine's eyes turned sympathetic. "I know. I understand. Whenever you're ready to tell me, I'll be ready to listen."

No! This wasn't how it was supposed to go! Christine needed to pry!

"How about in the morning?" Christine asked, hopeful.

Jenna's mouth was desert dry as she said "Morning. Yes. Sure."

Christine smiled sadly. "Good. We should probably go to bed now. It _is_ a school night, after all."

Jenna was staring at her wall dumbly, in a trance. "Yes. We should."

She slowly climbed into her bed, her mind racing.

_Tell Christine in the morning._

Would she have the strength?

She had to admit, though, to Jeremy. Maybe he wasn't an idiot. Maybe he just _couldn't_.

She tossed and turned until she heard Christine's relaxed breathing. Her eyes found a journal on her desk next to the bed.

She wrote something by the moonlight:

 

_Dear Diary,_

 

_I CANNOT believe the news that Jeremy is the only one he's told. He told me today that he is dying. I'm trying to tell people, but it's harder than it looks._

 

Not long and not fancy. But it would do the job.

There! She would leave it open, and when Christine woke up in the morning, she would probably see it, and Jenna wouldn't have to verbally communicate it to her. She'd only have to fill in the details.

She went to bed, content.

At least, as content as you can be when someone close to you is close to losing their life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NO ONE KNOWS STILL HOW JEREMY REACTED TO HIS FATHER'S NEWS!!!!  
> oh i just realized I'll need another chapter for his reaction  
> which means another chapter on this day  
> DAGNABBIT  
> sorry again


	9. The Day When Everything Went Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things fall apart more than they already have, leaving Jeremy clueless

"Jeremy, I know this is hard. But I think it will really be right for us. To start over."

Jeremy could barely breathe, let along look at his father.

He _refused_ to move.

He was going to die right here, in New Jersey.

"I can't move," he gasped out.

"I think it will be best for us," Mr. Heere approached, trying to put a hand on his son's shoulder, but Jeremy stood up away from him, rather unsteady on his feet.

"No," Jeremy said, not sure whether to feel sad or angry or both. "I am _not_ moving."

"Jeremy, don't be stubborn. It will be a nice change." Mr. Heere crossed his arms.

"I need to stay here," Jeremy started ranting, leaning against the walls for support. "My friends are here, I need to tell them, I can't leave them, I need to stay here."

"Jeremy! Look at me!" Mr. Heere was getting slightly angry. "You don't have to like it, but you have to come. It'll be better here, a clean start. You are coming with your father-"

"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" Jeremy screamed. "Don't you understand that? I'm not going to be around for much longer. I'm staying here with my friends! Things are nice here. I'm not changing that! I need them!"

Jeremy couldn't stand it any longer and ran out of the house. He ignored his father's shouts for him and kept running, not sure of where to go. Michael was pretty mad. He could go to Christine's, but he wasn't really in the mood for her right now. Same thing with Jenna's. If he slept over at any of his other friend's houses, it would be awkward. Still, he found himself running towards Jake's house, the house that was the closest, and the one he knew the best since the party.

"Jeremy?" Jake asked rubbing his eyes. He was in his pajamas.

Jeremy looked at him oddly. "It's only six o clock."

"I was tired, okay? What do you need?"

"...Can I..... like.... borrow your basement for a night?"

Jake blinked. "Uhhhhh.... why?"

"This is giving me a headache," Jeremy groaned, rubbing his temples. "I'll explain in the morning."

"Sure," Jake said and opened the door wider.

.....................................................................................

Jenna peeled her eyes open to the early morning light. She sighed and stretched taking in the sun when she remembered what she had done the night before. She rubbed her eyes and looked around the room.

There was Christine, back turned, standing like a statue at the closet.

"Christine?"

Christine turned around, tears flowing freely from her eyes as she held up the journal entry Jenna had written the night before.

"Is this what you wanted to tell me?"

............................................................................................

"Michael!" Jeremy yelled, catching up to him through the hall.

After waking up late, he hadn't had much time to fix his appearance. He barely had time to throw clothes on and then he was out the door. He explained to Jake on the way to school.

Jake had been silent for a moment. Then he said, "Why _do_ you want to stay so bad? Maybe it would be a clean start, you know? You'd make new friends. I mean, come on," he said jokingly, "What's special about New Jersey?"

Jeremy couldn't say what was really on his mind. Instead out came "I.... guess I just like it here, since I grew up here. I don't want to live anywhere else."

".....Hello, Jeremy?" Michael asked cautiously. "You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry," Jeremy said, returning to earth. "Listen, are we okay? You know.... about yesterday? Cause I need to tell you something."

Michael looked down at his feet. "You know I love you Jeremy, but listen." He made eye contact. "Ever since the bathroom incident, things haven't been the same. You can tell, right? And then I guess this proves it."

Jeremy's heart twisted into a thousand knots.

"Michael-"

"It's fine," Michael said, looking at the floor. He looked up and smiled, but sadly. "See you at lunch."

Jeremy tried to shout after him as he continued down the hall, but all the words had stuck to the sides of his throat.

Lost his best friend, lost his dad... Was he going to be able to fix anything before losing his life?

He only had a week and two days left.

"Jenna!" he shouted, running down the hall. He asked, almost panicky, "Where's Christine?"

Jenna looked down at the floor. "She took a.... sick day. She found out."

Jeremy's head rocked a little. "Oh, no."

"I told you I was gonna tell her!" she snapped. "You should really talk to her after school today. I had to explain everything on the way to school, and then she told me she was going to walk home. Does Michael know?"

"...No."

"Jeremy!" she scolded.

"Look, I think it's better if you tell him," Jeremy said.

"Why?"

"Uh... Just tell him, okay?"

"You know, you're going to have to be braver and start telling people more."

"Start telling people more.... what?" Brooke asked cautiously.

Jeremy and Jenna froze. He saw Michael staring at him from across the hall of people, quickly averted his eyes, and quickly walked down the other hall.

"Jeremy's.... trying out for break-dancing! After school!" Jenna said, a stupid smile plastered on her face.

"Like I believe that for one second," Brooke said, rolling her eyes. "You should trust me, Jeremy. See you at lunch."

"Me, too," Jenna said. As she walked away, she mouthed _Talk to Christine._

Jeremy was then alone, with no dad, no best friend, a broken-hearted girlfriend, a moving to Maine possibility looming over his forehead, Brooke annoyed at him, and leaving Michael in the hands of Jenna.

Thinking about it brought on one of those monster headaches.

He burst through the doors of the school, running behind some bushes, where he could quietly have his pain. He was late for school when it stopped.

He groaned and started for the doors.

But something stopped him.

He _wasn't_ headed for the doors.

His legs were.... numb.

Void.

Fried.

Not working.

_Dead._

_Great. Add that to the list of things going wrong._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp just gonna leave you with that  
> haha


	10. Confronting Christine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting the feeling back into his legs, Jeremy rushes to Christine's house to talk to her, all while trying to deal with all the drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, sorry I haven't updated in the longest time
> 
> Summer Break's been surprisingly busy  
> Before I start the chapter, I want to give a shout-out to a Youtuber I watch (like it will make much of an impact getting a shout-out from an Ao3 user XD)  
> Cafe Music BGM Channel. School's starting, and if anyone's like me, I like to listen to music while I work. I've found that in my OWN personal experience, this is the only music that helps me focus.  
> You can use it for school, maybe  
> ok imma start now

It took several hours. Jeremy missed the entire day of school trying to stand up. The bell rang just as Jeremy finally pronounced victory. He took a step and nearly tripped. He walked in circles a little, people staring at him oddly. Thankfully, none of his friends saw him, and he was able to get away, with a limp in his legs now. Probably permanent.

However, he was wrong about none of his friends seeing him.

Michael had snuck out of the school quietly and watched his friend run off with a limp.

He tried to shrug it off, but he couldn't shake the terrible feeling something was wrong.

He suddenly felt awful.

...........................................

Meanwhile, Jeremy was busy trying to get to Christine's house. It took double the time it usually would have but after about half an hour, he made the distance. Panting, he rang her doorbell.

Christine was the one to open the door. The minute her eyes landed on Jeremy, they widened and fell to the floor. But she seemed to know what Jeremy wanted, so she opened the door wider to let him in.

Neither of them spoke as they made a slow ascent up to Christine's room. Jeremy, even slower on stairs, made Christine wait for him at the landing.

The minute the door closed, Christine whirled on him, a ball of fury and pain.

"You complete _arse_!"

Jeremy blinked. "You could just say as-"

Christine put a finger to his lips, her eyes crazed. "Not in my good Christian household," she hissed.

"But you just-"

"I SAID NOT IN MY HOUSE!" she screamed.

Jeremy was completely confused, but somehow when Christine burst into tears, it made him less so. He led her to her bed, and set her down, sitting beside her.

He didn't know what to say.

So he didn't say anything.

He simply sat there, holding her, as she sobbed.

Finally she choked out, "What about you?"

"What?"

"How do you feel?"

"Pretty crappy," he said. He would've said a different, more crass word, but after Christine's outbreak of _not in my christian household,_ he decided against it.

"No, mean," she took a deep, shaky breath. "Can't you get help? Like, go to the doctor?"

Jeremy had considered this many times, and somehow considering the idea that he could be saved made it sound easier to tell his dad. But somewhere, deep down, he knew they didn't exactly have the money.

But there was more than that. It was _intuition_. Somewhere deep within him, he knew doctors couldn't help.

But instead of saying all that, he said, "I don't know."

Minutes passed, and finally Christine asked "Who else knows?"

"Just you and Jenna?"

"Not even your dad?"

"No," he said, suddenly feeling heart-wrenchingly guilty about the conversation they had the night before.

"Not even Michael?"

Jeremy didn't answer that one. He couldn't. He looked away in shame.

"I'm sorry that-"

Without warning, Christine's lips smashed against his. Jeremy was startled at first, then pushed back. This lasted for a couple seconds, then suddenly, Christine leaned back and said, "Wait."

She crossed the room and locked her door. Then she turned back to Jeremy.

"Now we can start," she said, her fingers wrapping around the bottom of the shirt and pulling upward.

........................................................................

"Wow." Jeremy breathed.

Christine giggled. "I just figured, maybe it'd be...."

"The last time," Jeremy finished.

"Yeah."

"I thought though.... not in this good Christian household..."

Christine's laugh echoes through the room. It sounded beautiful.

"Don't be sorry," Christine answered what Jeremy had said several minutes before. "And, if you don't want me to tell anyone, I won't."

Jeremy hesitated. "Well, I NEED to tell my dad and Michael, and then after that, first on my priority list is Brooke."

"Why Brooke?"

"She got pretty annoyed with me today."

"She's annoyed with me, too," Christine confessed.

Jeremy sat up. "What? Why?"

Christine sighed. "You need to not tell anyone, okay? Besides, if you'll be dead soon, you can't tell."

Jeremy smiled. "Of course."

"Brooke... is into girls."

"That doesn't explain why she went after me."

"Maybe she's bi."

Jeremy took a second to take it in. She did not seem bi at all.

"Anyway, she 'confessed her love' to me, but it was after you and I were dating. So, it just hit a roadblock."

Jeremy took this in. Surprisingly, he didn't feel jealous. He just felt empty. Defeated, almost.

"I'm sorry about that." he finally decided to say.

She shrugged.

"Michael's annoyed with me too," Jeremy said. "Our friendship is suffering."

"Well, you better fix it before you die," Christine said, standing up. She started pulling her clothes back on. "You probably should get home now."

Jeremy checked his phone. There were 10 missed calls and 51 texts from his dad. "Yeah... I should..." he said reluctantly. "Maybe I can spend the night though?"

Christine considered for a moment, then smiled. "I don't have anything against that."

"Also..." Jeremy started. "At school tomorrow, we should have a meeting. Between TPWK. The People Who Know."

Christine through back her head and laughed. "All right, geek."

So he stayed. A night of pure happiness between a boy and his girl, each holding the same dark secret. But choosing to ignore it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY I NEED EVERYONE'S ATTENTION WHO IS READING SO THEY CAN COMMENT THEIR OPINION  
> Hey everyone, I was tossing this idea around in my head while writing the exchange about Jeremy and Christine. I wouldn't want to spoil it, but it would be.... pretty big.  
> Like, watermelon big.  
> Like *cough* baby big *cough*.  
> What would you think about that. You can hate it or you can love it. I don't care it's just an idea.


	11. TPWK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Christine slide a sly note to Michael tipping him off, but it backfires.

The next day was Wednesday. Jeremy had a week left and one day. In two weeks he would be dead.

He hadn't slept well last night. He kept wanting to text Michael, or his dad, or Jenna, but he didn't know what he would say.

"Let's go to school," Jeremy said, but Christine shook her head.

"We aren't going anywhere until you tell Michael."

Jeremy's balloon popped. " _You_ can do that. Michael's mad enough as it is, and it's much harder telling him and my dad. It's harder telling people the ones you know the best, the-"

"Ones you love," Christine said quietly.

Jeremy nodded, looking deep into her sad eyes. "Yeah."

She shook it off. "Come on. At the very least, we'll leave a note."

................................

After twenty minutes of deciding to knock, then not knocking, over and over and over, Jeremy finally ripped a strip of copy paper and hastily wrote _I'm dying_ on it. He slid it under the door, and off they went.

"I guess it's better than nothing." Christine groaned.

They rode in silence for a few minutes, before Jeremy said, "You're taking this surprisingly well."

"What? You dying? Well, there's nothing I can do about it, can I?"

"I guess not," Jeremy muttered.

They made it to school pretty fast. Christine grabbed Jenna by the arm, and dragged her into the school, where they found a broom closet, the same one where Jeremy had confessed to Jenna what was happening.

Jenna was pretty confused, especially when Jeremy cleared his throat and declared, "Welcome, one and all, to the first official TPWK meeting, The People Who Know."

Jenna blinked. Christine giggled.

Jeremy coughed. "Right. Well, we slipped a note under Michael's door today-ah-" Jeremy suddenly cut off, clutching his stomach.

"Jeremy, are you okay?" Christine spoke in a voice louder than she meant to, biting her nails because that was all she knew to do right now.

"I'm fine," Jeremy gasped out. He straightened himself up, still holding his side. "As I was saying, Michael's probably finding out right now, or has found out already."

Jenna's facial features relaxed. "Finally. Have you told your dad?"

"Not yet. But I'm working on it. Nothing's exactly peachy with him right now."

"Nothing's peachy with you for anything anymore," Christine sighed. Jeremy didn't hear it.

"You know what's a weird thought," Jenna muttered, "Is that we all had squips inside of us. All of us except for Michael. This," she made a gesture to Jeremy, still keeled over, "could have happened to any or all of us. Especially Rich, since he had his in the longest. But of all people.... it happened to Jeremy."

_Why?_

.............................................................

Lunch came, and the Squip Squad sat around the table. Most of everyone was blissfully innocent. Brooke seemed a little irritated, especially at TPWK, but everyone else, Chloe, Jake, Rich, were all calm.

Michael seemed confused as he held a piece of paper.

"I found this by my door this morning," he said, passing it to Rich. He read it, and his face, contorted in confusion. He passed it to Jake, who passed it to Chloe, to Brooke. She passed it to Jenna, who looked ash gray "No name. It's unnerving."

"Seems like a fun mystery," Jake smiled. He handed it back to Michael. "Have fun solving it."

"Jake," Chloe rolled her eyes. "This is serious."

Jenna and Christine both passed glanced to Jeremy. All three of them were pale.

"Jeremy, I forgot. I have a science paper due. Will you accompany me to the library?" Christine asked, holding out her arm to Jeremy and smiling. She turned to Michael. "I'm not sure, Michael. Honestly, it's a little creepy."

"It is," Michael agreed. He wasn't catching Jeremy's eye, not because he suspected anything, but because he was still uncomfortable about the fight.

"Before we go, though, I have to use the _bathroom_."

Jenna could tell this was a clue for her.

"Okay," Jeremy said, and followed Christine out of the cafeteria.

Jenna waited a couple minutes before the coast was clear. "I have to use the bathroom," she announced, standing up and sprinting out in the same direction Jeremy and Christine went.

No one suspected anything, but Brooke narrowed her eyes, her mind slowly working around the puzzle surrounding her.

_That isn't even the direction of the bathroom..._

......................

"I know you've been called this a lot recently...." Jenna started once she had caught up with them. They were back in the broom closet. "But you are a freaking _idiot_!"

"You didn't sign your name?" Christine jumped in.

"You didn't happen to say _Don't share this with anyone else?_ Cause now he's going to show it to everyone!" Jenna seethed.

Jeremy ran his hands through his hair not bothering to say anything. He was glad he hadn't eaten anything today, because if he had, he would be throwing it up right now, for more than one reason.

"I _am_ an idiot," he sighed.

"Yeah, you are," Jenna spat.

"So, what are we gonna do now?" Christine wondered. They all fell silent, thinking.

Suddenly, all their hearts leapt when there was a knock on the janitor door.

"The janitor?" Christine hissed.

"It's me, Brooke, you _idiot_ ," she said, mocking them, and probably Christine after their falling-out. "What are you doing in here rather than _studying for a science paper_?"

Jenna just sighed and opened the door, choosing to ignore Jeremy's protests. "Come in."

Brooke slowly stepped into the janitor's closet, and once she did, the door shut behind her.

She stared Jeremy in the eye, but had to look away. "I put things together. Jeremy." She took a deep breath. "The note? The fact that you're hiding things from me? This secret... meeting in the closet? I put things together. I'm not stupid like everyone and everything else." she shook her head, as if not just scolding the world, but also herself. "I'm smarter than I look, okay? I know what's going on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the more I write this the more it feels like a soap opera.
> 
> TBH, I love soap operas. But I apologize to the people who don't.  
> That question about why did it have to happen to Jeremy, that's just them pondering. It's not supposed to be answered.  
> So, uh, yes.


	12. Bi or Lie?          (happy pride month 3 months ago special)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke has joined TPWK, but she's kind of disconnected and rude because of her internal problems. Maybe a slice of life kind of thing? Mostly in Brooke's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was going to add some more to this chapter but i was too lazy  
> the more plot stuff will show up in the next chapter, but i just wrote this chapter to show Brooke's side of life  
> pride month!  
> even though it was like..... 3 months ago  
> whatever enjoy anyway

"For once, Brooke is actually the smartest," Jenna sighs after they explained all the extra details to her. "Even after giving Michael a note, he couldn't figure it out."

"How long do you have?" Brooke asked. Her expression remained stoic, but her insides were writhing. Screaming. Why couldn't she have been wrong? Why did she still like him?

But she liked Christine, too?

Why couldn't she figure anything out?

Jeremy shrugged, running a hand through his hair. "Around a week and a day."

Christine's heart squeezed. _How can he say it like it's no big thing?_

"Well, I agree with the rest of them. You're an idiot, Jeremy. Tell them or I will." And with that Brooke walked out.

"Geez.... she's usually never like that. Why is she so bitter?" Jenna breathed. Though she was still stressed she was seeming a little more like herself, bit by bit.

"Grief can make people do crazy things," Christine whispered.

A few minutes later, they emerged from the closet, and it was time for class. Brooke, unbeknownst to them, had stayed around and watched them exit. Jeremy and Christine were hand in hand.

_I wanna cry._

_Why do I wanna cry?_

"Geez, Brooke, you're still into Jeremy, but now you're _stalking_ him?" Rich snuck up behind her. She was glad to hear his voice.

"It's not just that," she muttered, turning around to face him.

Rich looked at her skeptically. "Then what is it?"

She couldn't tell him about Jeremy without anyone else's permission, so instead she said the other thing that was on her mind. Before she put the pieces together. Something she'd been wrestling with for a long time. "Can I ask you something? Judge-free?"

Rich blinked. "Of course."

"I... I'm still into Jeremy, but then I think I might like Christine. But I have no idea." she blurted out.

Rich processed this slowly. Too slowly. "So.... you're bi?"

"I don't know."

"Well, there's' no shame in being bi. I'm dating Jake and I'm proud of it. So there's no reason for you not to be proud."

"But _I don't know_. How did you figure it out?"

Rich thought for a moment before saying, "It just kind of clicked for me. I think it was also partly because I wasn't under the influence of the squip anymore, telling me what my sexuality was. But I can tell you I'm a lot happier than I've been in a long time. So once you figure it out.... I promise you, you'll feel free."

Rich's words floated through her head for a moment before they stuck. Then she smiled and said, "Thanks, Rich."

"You're welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise ill end the story soon  
> it's almost done  
> i promise  
> so yeah  
> keep reading ;)


	13. The "Right" Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christine decides to take matters into her own hands, and does what she thinks is best for Jeremy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! I haven't updated in a really long time! I'm on fall break right now, so I'm going to try to update more frequently for a time. Also I'm going to see Dear Evan Hansen next week, so that's gonna be a lot of fun!

Jeremy. Me. Jenna. Brooke.

Anyone else?

Christine tapped her foot impatiently, and looked to her right, where Jeremy was sitting. He caught her glance and smiled. She had to look away, her heart in her throat, her eyes burning.

"Christine?" the teacher called.

She startled. "Yes?"

Mr. Sal sighed. "You need to pay attention in class, Miss Conigula. Junior year counts."

_Not for Jeremy. Not for me._

"Yes, Mr. Sal," she said instead.

Mr. Sal continued on with his lesson, but Christine couldn't sit still much longer. She took out a piece of paper and started scribbling on it, only focusing on making the paper turn gray. Of course, her thoughts drifted.

_Why?_

_I need to tell Michael. Or Jeremy's dad._

_What can I do?_

Her pencil broke, and with that snap, she got an idea.

_I need to talk to you, after class_

She passed the note on to Jeremy. He unfolded it, glanced at it, and tucked it in his pocket giving the slightest nod. Christine went back to tapping her foot until it was all she could hear. 

.............

Meanwhile, Jeremy was thinking awful thoughts.

_I wish my squip would come back._

_I need my squip._

_My squip would help._

_My squip would explain._

_I want my squip to come home._

.............................

"I think you should call a doctor," Christine said in the hallway after the class of hell was over.

Jeremy nervously looked around to see if anyone had heard, then scooched her farther away from the classroom door. "You know why I don't want to do that."

"Enlighten me." she said flatly. Her eyes looked un-entertained, sad. Dead.

Jeremy made a sound between a scoff and a sigh. "I don't want to live out the rest of my week in a hospital. I'm going to die, and I don't want to die in a hospital. I want to die free, with my friends, and my dad."

"But what if you don't die at all?" Christine was begging now. "What if the doctors can fix you?"

"There's no guarantee of that!" Jeremy said. He wasn't sure even himself if his voice was quieting or rising. "Doctors aren't as competent as they seem, Christine! People still die!"

"But people live a lot often when they go see doctors, Jeremy! Your logic is in the wrong place!" Regardless of what Jeremy's voice volume was, Christine was shouting. "Jeremy, _please_!"

" _My_ life Christine. _My_ life. And I say no." He was deadly quiet now. He walked down the hall to his next class which didn't have Christine in it, never turning back, not even thinking about it.

Yet with tears streaming down her face, Christine pulled out her cell phone, and dialed 3 numbers into it.

With shaking hands, she raised her phone to her ear, and a couple seconds later, she heard a click, and a woman's voice saying, "9-1-1, what's your emergency?"


	14. Freedom Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Christine's fateful call, an ambulance comes to Jeremy's house.

It was Thursday morning. Jeremy was in his room.

He had snuck back into his house one afternoon, and though he roamed freely, his father didn't pester him. They avoided talking about the elephant in the room, or talking at all. Jeremy wanted to say something, but every time he tried, tears attacked his throat, and he had to leave the room. He had heard his father on the phone one evening, asking for another week in New Jersey. Apparently they said yes, because his father seemed relieved after the call. Anyhow, his father hadn't made any move to start packing up the house.

He had woken up early to surf the internet. Today was a half day. His school did it differently, and very strangely, how school was off for the first half of the day rather than the second. The fact that it was Thursday made it strange, too.

He had a week left of his life. It was hard to believe. Weeks can pass fast.

It was around 7 in the morning when he heard the sirens.

.....................

Michael left early to go on a walk. He was pretty sad lately. He knew deep down why, but didn't admit it to himself, at least not until that morning.

 _It doesn't matter._ He thought. _We were drifting apart anyway, and he likes Christine better than me anyway._

Without really meaning to, his legs started walking in the direction of Jeremy's house. He heard the sirens, but was able to ignore them for a minute or two. He was on the end of Jeremy's street now, unable to see Jeremy's house yet.

Then the sirens got louder.

They got louder and louder, until they passed Michael and he froze.

Somehow he knew _exactly_ where they were going.

_Jeremy._

He started running.

.....................

He looked out the window, and the ambulance was downstairs.

Had someone ratted him out?

He couldn't think clearly, he only heard the door open and muddled discussion between his father and the policemen. Eventually he was able to get his legs to move down the stairs, and he stood by his father.

"What's happening?" he asked, deciding to play dumb.

Mr. Heere turned towards him, his face ashen white. "These people are saying you're deadly sick?"

He felt his own face pale. "W-what? That's not true. I don't know anything about that."

Who knows? Jenna, Brooke-

Christine.

Their argument yesterday was the perfect proof for his suspicion. He pushed away the physical pain that came with his betrayal. He could _not_ keel over here of all places.

"Your girlfriend says you've been 'dying.'" the gruff doctor said. "She begged us to wait to come a day after she called so you'd have more 'freedom', and she refused to tell us your address until this morning."

That made him feel only a little better but not much. He craned his neck to look out his front door, and then saw him, panting and sweaty.

Michael.

He looked up and met Jeremy's eyes. They mirrored confusion and concern. _What's happening?_

Michael.

Jeremy ran the length of his driveway, running towards Michael, the only thing mattering Michael, and suddenly he wanted very much to live, just for Michael.

"Jeremy!" he shouted. "Why- what's-" he took a deep breath, clutching his hands. "Tell me what's happening, please."

Jeremy, feeling very agitated, told him everything. Quickly. His eyes didn't widen but they drew on more pain.

" _I'm dying_ ," he whispered. "The note- Jeremy-"

Jeremy was crying freely. He didn't hide them, as he had been mostly trying to the last couple days. No, he couldn't hide anymore. Michael's eyes were watery, too.

The ambulance workers came up behind Jeremy. "It's time to go, we need to take you to the hospital. We're told you're in critical condition."

Jeremy's head was exploding from pain, but he couldn't let go of Michael. Not yet. Christine didn't matter anymore. After all she _had_ ratted him out.

"I love you," he said breathlessly. He kissed him. It was quick, no tongue, just a peck, but it was all Michael needed before crying hysterically. Jeremy was pulled away, and towards the ambulance, making no resistance or fight. His father followed them, in a daze.

"Take me with you, please take me with you!" Michael begged whoever he could see.

"Come visit him in the hospital," they said to try to get him away from them.

Michael could barely see, and all he wanted to do was melt into the concrete. But he forced himself to walk back to his house, back to his car.

He couldn't leave his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought you'd want a Boy-riends moment. I needed one, too.


	15. The Breakup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenna and Brooke drive to the hospital. Earlier in the day, Michael, Jeremy, and Christine all ditch school and are in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it sounds like  
> ...  
> ...  
> ...  
> :)

When school started, Jeremy, Christine, and Michael were not there. Rich, Chloe, and Jake just thought it was a coincidence they were all sick on the same day. Jenna and Brooke were a little more suspicious.

Whenever Jeremy missed a day of school, it was a bad sign at this point.

They tried to ignore it during lunch, but just before lunch ended, Brooke pulled Christine outside.

"This is kind of..."

"Suspicious." Jenna didn't hesitate pulling out her phone. She dialed Christine's number, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Hi, Christine! Where are you today?" Silence. Jenna gripped her phone tighter and she stopped tapping her foot. "Why?"

Brooke could only watch and wonder what was happening.

Jenna's eyes grew wide. "You did _what_ _? Why_?" She exhaled frustration, and her knuckles were white. "Oh my god, okay. Okay okay okay. Christine, calm down. I will be there as soon as possible. Well, I hate to be mean, but you might deserve it. He's going to be mad. Brooke and I will drive up after school, okay? Okay. Bye."

She hung up, her hands shaking.

"What was that about?" Brooke demanded. She sort of already knew, but one can only guess so much from context clues.

Jenna ran her fingers through her hair. "Christine called an ambulance for Jeremy. Jeremy's pretty pissed." She looked Brooke in the eye. "You're coming up with me after school."

........................

The car ride was silent, for the most part. Brooke and Jenna could do nothing but worry.

"I know this is awful, but I'm kinda glad," Brooke muttered.

"What do you mean?" Jenna asked. She was driving, and her knuckles had not loosened around the steering wheel once. There were probably going to be hand marks when she finally pried them away.

"That... Christine called the ambulance."

Jenna was silent, until she finally sighed. "I don't agree with you," she said. "But I'm not going to argue with you, either. There's two valid sides to this argument. You and Christine think the doctors can save him, but Jeremy and I must think.... it's too late anyway, and he should probably be free for the time he has left. I can understand how you feel, but I don't agree."

"I understand, too." Brooke muttered.

They fell quiet again, until Jenna laughed with no smile. "You know, I was actually the first one who knew? And it was hard.... the gossip girl keeping a secret." She was scared her voice was wobbling. "And a secret like this. Christine was the only one who I told, and after that can of worms was opened, it was hard not to tell _everyone_." She sighed, and for once she raised her hands to her face, "I don't know why I'm like this."

"I don't know why I'm like this, either." Brooke said. "I'm angular, I'm cheated on, Chloe can feel like a trap sometimes. I'm a mess most mornings, and I don't know...." she paused. "I don't know _who_ I really wanna be with someday. But one thing I am certain of is I won't feel this way forever. Rainstorms always have an end."

Jenna smiled a little. "That was pretty poetic."

They laughed, a little too hard (they were a little delirious), and then ended up crying, and then laughing again. By then, they were at the hospital.

As Brooke closed the car door, she thought, _Maybe I don't need Christine after all._

.................................

Earlier that day, Christine drove to the hospital, about half an hour after Jeremy arrived there, and fifteen minutes after Michael. When she was finally let up to Jeremy's room, Michael was there. His legs were hanging over the chair, and he was chewing his fingernails nervously, staring at Jeremy. Jeremy had his arms crossed and was staring at the wall across from him. He resembled a little kid.

Michael glanced at Christine, and cleared his throat. Jeremy glanced at her for a split second, then just as quickly his gaze flickered back to the wall.

"I'll give you guys a minute," Michael said reluctantly. He stepped out, and Christine took his seat.

She had no idea what to say. Jeremy felt the same way.

"Do you see anything?" he said finally.

Christine's heart started pounding. "See what?"

"Anything different." He finally looked her way. "I doubt it. I'm the same. And I will be up until the end. Nothing's going to change. Are you happy."

"You literally just got in here, Jer." Christine begged. "Please trust them."

Jeremy didn't waste a scoff. He felt like using as little energy as possible on her. "The good news is I'm not in 'critical condition' or anything, so I get to come and go from this room if I want to. Can't leave the building yet, though." His eyes turned a little icy. "I'm planning on a hospital break. Stop me if you dare."

Christine thought it was a joke for a moment, in his wording, but the wording was the least important thing in that statement; it was the way he said it that chilled her.

She couldn't think of a response, so he continued. "Michael's delirious. My dad is in denial, or shock, or something. What about our friends? Chloe, and Rich, and Jake?" he frowned a little. "Cause, I mean, doesn't _everyone_ know now? Or did you want to save my school reputation- at least until I die and then you can tell everyone how ugly my balls are, or something even worse."

Christine's heart leapt into her throat. "I would never do that to you," she whispered.

"But you'd do this?" he pointed to the bed he was in.

"Spreading rumors doesn't lead to anything!" her voice shook. "This will!"

"This _can_." Jeremy hissed. "What if nothing happens, and I end up spending the last week of my life in a hospital? I'll never get to visit Japan, and meet all the great Japanese stars, or flip off a random person for fun, or anything else!" Jeremy put his face in his hands, trying to hide any sadness, and convert it into anger. "I'll never see any of you again!"

"What if... after... maybe someday?"

Jeremy looked out his window. "Maybe," he said sadly. "Maybe not."

There was a silence so deep both thought they would drown in it. Christine and Jeremy both swallowed tears, not knowing the other was doing the same.

Finally Jeremy cleared his throat, not looking away from the window. "Can you please leave?"

Christine stood up slowly. "Can I come back?"

"Yeah. Come back tomorrow, with everyone. Jenna, Brooke, Chloe, Jake, Rich, everyone. but as friends." Jeremy finally met her eyes. "Just as friends. _Nothing_ more."

Christine said nothing, but only stared into his eyes, because it would be the last time she would be allowed to look into his eyes that way. She tried to feel sadness at what he had just told her, but it hadn't sunk in yet; all she felt was love for the eyes in front of her, and numbness everywhere else.

"Just as friends," she whispered. "Okay. Got it."

Then she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I've finally made a sort of system. I'm most likely going to be posting every Sunday until the story is done. So try and look for the stories Sunday afternoon sometime. If I don not get around do doing it Sunday, I apologize, and I will do my very best to do it the Monday after. I'm sorry the story is so long, but if I promise you keep reading, it will only continue being good (i hope!) Thank you all so much!


	16. No More Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone in Jeremy's circle of friends and family know, including Jeremy's absent mother. Jeremy gets some doctors who want to perform surgery on him, but it's an extremely risky surgery.

"He's _what?"_

"Dying," Jenna strangled out to Chloe, Jake, and Rich. Brooke stood be her tentatively, while Christine looked out behind them. No one was able to see her face. They were in the park that evening, after everyone had gone home from the hospital. Michael had gone AWOL, and he wouldn't return calls. No one saw him leave the hospital, but no one saw him there as they were leaving, either.

Chloe scoffed. "This is a joke, right?"

Jake looked at Jenna, and knew it wasn't. He reached for Rich's hand.

Jenna shook her head at Chloe. "He's been hiding it from everyone for a while now. He only has 6 days left."

"Idiot!" Chloe said. "He waits to tell us? He waits to go to the hospital? Why would he do that?"

"I don't know." Jenna looked at the grass beneath her feet.

No one said anything, until Christine's breath hitched, and she said, "He wants us all to visit tomorrow."

"Yes, of course." Rich said. "I'm confused, though..... why would this happen to Jeremy and not to me?"

"You got surgery," Brooke told him. "Jeremy didn't. That affected Jeremy's long-term health more than anyone thought it would."

"Short-term," Jenna muttered.

Brooke looked at her. "What?"

"Short-term health," Jenna said again. "It affected his short-term health, since he's... you know...."

Brooke stared at her, aghast. " _Jenna!_ "

Jenna's mouth curved upwards in the smallest of smiles, but she still hadn't looked up from the floor.

"I think the best thing to do now," she continued on, "is go home and get some sleep. Someone try and get into contact with Michael so we can get him to come with us tomorrow. Maybe Mr. Heere too, but he probably already has plans to head up."

"Sounds good." Chloe looked at her best friend, Brooke, and wondered how this was affecting her.

Christine headed off immediately, not saying anything to anyone. Chloe, Jake, and Rich headed off in the same direction, and same with Brooke and Jenna. No one had much plans for transportation tomorrow, but it didn't really matter. They would figure it out in the spur of the moment.

.....................

Meanwhile, Michael had eventually gone home, though he stayed until he was forced to leave. Only Mr. Heere was allowed to stay, and he had the unpleasant job of calling Jeremy's mother.

Michael was in his room the same time everyone else was at the park. He ignored the buzzing of his cell phone over and over, and stared at the wall.

This was a dream, right?

It was a nightmare.

This would be the kind of thing that would happen in a nightmare. There was no way this would be real.

Imagine if your own best friend died. Was taken from you, and you didn't even know they were dying until a week before. And they're in the hospital so you can't even spend time with them.

Michael wasn't even focusing hard enough to start crying, though. His mind was focusing on something else: How willingly Jeremy accepted the fact he was dying.

He shrugged it off, indifferent, make jokes about it, refuse doctors' help. Why was that?

Michael think he knew, but it pained him to admit it to himself.

Was not calling an ambulance.... almost like suicide for Jeremy?

If so, did Christine do the right thing? Was calling, even if Jeremy wasn't suicidal, still the right thing?

Michael groaned and twisted so he was facing his ceiling.

Right and wrong were both so twisted up they would never be untangled ever again.

..................................

The squip squad woke up early to meet at the park. Michael had eventually gotten the groups' texts, and joined them. Mr. Heere had spent the night at the hospital, as they had learned.

 _I spent the night at the hospital, but thank you for offering to come up_ his text began. _Jeremy would enjoy the company. Also be warned that Jeremy's mother, Melinda, will be coming up to visit. Be prepared to deal with that she-demon._

They tried to make light of the drive up, but it was difficult.

Eventually they made it. It was a wet morning, as it had rained last night, and dew sparkled everywhere. The hospital looked ominous in the morning light, almost like a prison. Which is what it certainly felt like to Jeremy and even his friends.

Jeremy was happy to see them. Smiling and high-fiving, he seemed completely normal, and then the hospital gown and bed completely threw it off.

"Why didn't you tell us that you were dying, Jeremy?" Rich asked after conversation died down a little.

Jeremy looked down at his hands and shrugged before speaking.

Michael's eyes narrowed. _There it is. He's shrugging again._

"I guess.... I didn't want to freak everyone out," he said. "I thought it would be better to tell you later."

"You freaked us out more by waiting," Chloe complained. She smacked her gum loudly and defiantly.

"I am sorry for that," Jeremy said sheepishly. "I guess I had things backwards, and wanted to take things slow, so you guys wouldn't freak out on me, or call 50 gazillion ambulances or something," Jeremy laughed.

 _I'm sorry, Jeremy._ Christine was thinking. _I'm really really sorry, and I want us to be together until the day you die, and I want to live forever with you. Please don't die. I called them because I love you, and I don't want you to die. You haven't looked at me once, even when you said that. Please look at me. Please know I love you. Please say you love me._

Michael was thinking, _What if we_ did _call 50 gazillion ambulances? We probably would, but because we all love you, and we want you to survive. Are you feeling that way? Please say something._

Everyone else awkwardly laughed with him.

"Hey, at least you didn't wake up one day, and discovered I was gone, right?" Jeremy said, his voice sounding a little thin.

"Yeah," Brooke smiled. "I guess there's that."

Jenna took Jeremy's hand, but it was a purely platonic thing; everyone could see that. Everyone else gathered around and hugged him, even Christine. When they all pulled away, Jeremy was smiling, but the person who knew him best (Michael) could tell he was trying to hold back tears.

_You're crying because you don't want to die. So why didn't you tell me? Or your dad? Or the hospital?_

Mr. Heere timidly knocked on the door, and whispered, " _She's here_. Prepare yourself."

Everyone straightened up, and tried to look respectable. A woman with caramel brown hair walked in, with a studded black purse and the biggest high heels any of them had ever seen. Her hair was gorgeously curled, but something about her eyes looked devilish.

"Move, druggies." she pushed past them towards Jeremy.

"We're not druggies!" mixed with silent consent, mixed with "Ummmm....." mixed with "How did you know?" came from the group of friends.

"By the looks in your eyes, you've obviously had ecstasy." Melinda Balman got right in Jake's face. "Tell me I'm wrong."

Jake didn't say anything. He hadn't met anyone like this.

Jeremy looked to be a mix of embarrassed and petrified.

After Mrs. Balman was done with Jake she turned to Jeremy and said in a baby voice, "Jeremy, you poor thing. Why didn't you tell me?"

Jeremy was deeply uncomfortable. "Sorry."

She turned to everyone else. "Shoo. I want some time with my child."

Everyone sort of shuffled in their spots, until she cleared her throat again, and they all slowly filed out the door.

"We'll be back in a couple minutes," Jenna told her, who dealt with female dogs like her most of the time. "Come on guys. There's a vending machine downstairs."

A couple minutes later, they were all in the hospital's lower levels, with various sodas, all leaning against walls, or sitting on the floor.

"Jeremy's mother is delightful," Chloe said, popping open her Coke and gulping it down.

"She truly is," Jenna agreed.

They all partook in conversation. Christine was trying to belong with all of them, but Michael kept quiet. He was thinking of how he would confront Jeremy.

...............................

About an hour passed, and they all thought it was safe to go back up. Melinda was still there, but she was arguing with her husband now instead of talking to Jeremy. She rolled her eyes when she saw them there.

"Let's take this outside, Jasper," she groaned. She grabbed her husband's hand, though not in a loving way, and led him outside the room.

Jeremy exhaled. "That was hell."

They all suddenly noticed a doctor standing in the corner of the room, who now stepped forward. He also seemed relieved in Melinda's absence.

"Now may I talk to you, Jeremy?" he asked. "I'm Doctor Goldberg, and I'd like to ask you something."

"Sure." Jeremy straightened up. "Can my friends stay with me?"

"I don't see why not," he shrugged. "Now, Jeremy, we took an X-ray, correct?"

"That's right. And a bunch of other scans," Jeremy stated.

"We found some metal scraps in your brain that have been affecting the actions of the rest of your body. They're... infecting the brain. This might be stopped, but we would have to have surgery, and it would have to be soon. It's an extremely risky surgery. I haven't talked to your father yet about it, but I wanted to see how you felt about it."

The room was silent.  Jeremy's eyes had something in them no one could decipher. Then he said, "I'll have to think about it, Doctor Goldberg, but right now what I'm thinking is _no_. Can I come back to you in a couple hours?"

"Of course. Call for me when you need me." Dr. Goldberg left the room.

They all stared at Jeremy, until they all finally screamed at him, "WHY?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after this fanfiction I wanted to do another one for a different fandom. Should I do it for:
> 
> Kakegurui (anime)  
> Voltron  
> Violet Evergarden (anime)  
> Dear Evan Hansen  
> Percy Jackson
> 
>  
> 
> Those are pretty much the things I'm really into right now.... so.... yep. If you haven't heard of them, I don't know, don't vote in the comments! Ok. See you next week!


	17. So Maybe I Should Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael confronts Jeremy and asks him why. Why for a lot of things. It is heartbreaking for both of them, and Jeremy finally comes to a realization.

A couple minutes had passed since Dr. Goldberg had advised the surgery. Everyone was in the basement at the vending machines again, pacing or groaning, or their head in their hands.

..........

"WHY?" They all screamed at him.

Jeremy was about to answer, but their screaming knocked his brain, and he held his temples as another monster headache consumed him.

"Jer... Jer?" Michael said hesitantly.

"What's going on?" Mr. Heere came into the room. His voice sounded urgent, almost clipped and angry, as he saw his son in pain.

Dr. Goldberg sprang into action. "Mr. Heere, can you wait for a moment over there?" he pointed to a corner of the room, and walked towards Jeremy. He turned to the squad and said, "I'm sorry. Is it all right if you come back in a couple minutes?"

They all filed out, guilty.

........................

"Why the- what the- why would he say no?" Chloe spat. Brooke sat near her, angry, nodding whenever she said something. Jenna sat near Brooke, hand near hers, but not quite daring enough to touch fingers.

Christine was crying again, but she did it privately in a corner.

Jake and Rich were talking with each other, trying to distract themselves from their present.

Michael stared at the wall, transfixed. His thoughts were spacey, their elements had separated. But as time passed on, they started to solidify again, and his thoughts were able to form sentences.

 _Why_ would _he say no?_

_Is it the reason I think it is?_

_I can't just wonder any longer. I need to know._

"I'm going to the bathroom," Michael announced suddenly, standing up. Almost robotically, he walked up the stairs. The rest of everyone else looked at each other quizzically, and then continued talking.

......................

There was a soft knock on the door, and Michael slowly came in. Jeremy beamed when he saw him, and ushered for him to come deeper inside.

Mr. Heere was still in the corner where Dr. Goldberg had told him to sit, looking very shaken, and scared, and sad. Michael suddenly felt an immense stab of sorrow and pity for him. _This might be harder for him than it is for me._

"Where's everyone else, Michael?" Jeremy asked when Michael was right next to him.

"Um..." Michael glanced at Mr. Heere, and made eye contact. "I was wondering if I could talk to Jeremy... alone."

Mr. Heere didn't look like he wanted to leave his son out of his sight, but with reluctance in his voice, he said, "I suppose I should go get some food anyway."

After he left, Michael turned to Jeremy, his face hard.

"What's going on, Michael?" Jeremy said softly. He looked a little concerned; whenever someone had to talk to someone else 'alone,' it usually wasn't for good reasons. Especially if one of those people is dying, and the other is glaring at him.

"Jeremy," Michael started, his voice even, "I want you to answer me honestly for whatever I ask you. No more lies. You're dying, and I need the truth. Okay?"

Jeremy shivered a little. "Okay."

Michael sat down in the chair next to his bed. "What were your exact thoughts when you found out you were dying?"

Jeremy thought for a moment. His thoughts in the present were a little hesitant. He thought he knew what Michael was onto.

"I remember the squip told me. Then I started saying-"

"I'm not asking for what you _said._ I'm asking for what you _thought_."

Jeremy swallowed. "I don't remember.... I remember crying, though."

"Why did you cry?" Michael asked, shifting in his seat a little.

Jeremy started to get defensive. "What is this, 20 Questions? I cried, because I found out I was _dying,_ Michael!"

"Do you want to die, Jeremy?" Michael blurted out.

Jeremy was silent for a minute, stunned. "No!" he finally laughed. "Why would you think that?"

There's plenty of reasons I would think that! This year was the most stressful of your life, not to mention it left you feeling _extremely_ guilty. You didn't tell anyone you were dying, but when you did, you made them promise not to tell. You pushed me away, you pushed Christine away, you were against any medical help, and your arguments for against it are hardly valid."

Jeremy tried to speak, but Michael continued on, nearly shouting. Tears were on their way.

"You make jokes about your own death! It's like you've given up, and not only that, it's like you've given up a long time ago. Plus, you're moving. Yeah, Jake told me. That's another reason it could seem really suspicious. Why would you break up with Christine? Not just because you had a fight, or because she called the ambulance, because you love her and don't want to see her hurt? But then why would you kiss _me_? Because you love me too and had to do that before you die? And then why would you say no to the one last resort you have, even though it's your only chance to live! Why would you push everything away like that?!"

Michael hastily wiped away his tears, breathing hard. Jeremy had turned away during his rant, and wouldn't answer right away. But when his breath hitched, Michael knew why he had looked away.

"Jer.... look at me." he said it softly, as not to scare him away again.

Jeremy did look back, but a moment later. His eyes were wet and wild, portraying either anger or sadness or maybe both.

"I'm _broken,_ " Jeremy started. "I'm a mess, I'm an idiot. I hurt you, more than once. I hurt Christine, I hurt Brooke and Jenna, Chloe, Mr. Reyes, even,  I hurt my father, and maybe you can see where I get it from- my awful mom. I completely ruined the play, and I... c'mon, man." he laughed bitterly through his tears. "You should've left me a long time ago. I have no idea why anyone even stuck around me. Even my dad. I don't know why anyone still loves me. I mean, sometimes I want to live forever. But then sometimes I want nothing more than a knife-" he couldn't continue. He buried his face in his knees, and his shoulders shook.

Michael's dry tears thawed. Somehow he knew Jeremy hadn't said everything he wanted to say, so he waited patiently.

Jeremy eventually came back out, wiping his eyes with his wrist. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea completely. At first, what I was thinking, honestly, was _Oh, no. I can't die. I don't want to die._ And then the next few days, I was thinking in the back of my mind, _Isn't dying what you want?_ And... it was a roller coaster from there."

"How do you feel now?" Michael's voice was raspy.

Jeremy looked at himself for a moment, thinking. What did he want?

"A couple minutes ago, I wanted to die..." he said softly. "But after this, now..." He looked Michael straight in the eyes, and something about his eyes changed. Relief, want, love. "I want to live. I really, really want to live."

"People love you, Jer." Michael smiled. He stood and walked even closer to where Jeremy was. "Your mom loves you. Your dad loves you. The school loves you, even after all you did. All your friends down in the basement love you. Christine loves you." he knelt down. "I love you."

"How can you be so sure?" Jeremy asked, but was smiling again.

Michael leaned his head against his shoulder. "I'm smart, you know. You'll have to trust me on this." There was a short pause. "Do you trust me?"

"Even after I'm gone, I will trust you." Jeremy said. "I will always trust you."

"You know..." Michael stood up again. "You might still be able to live. Please, just try the surgery." He took Jeremy's hand. "For us."

He stared at Michael's hand for a moment. "Maybe part of it is..." he said, "I've been counting down the days till I die. And if I do this surgery... the countdown doesn't really matter, does it? But I guess that doesn't really matter. Does it? I should do whatever I can to live."

Michael laughed a little. "The Final Countdown."

Jeremy shoved Michael a little. "You are such a dork!"

When they were done laughing, Michael asked, "Should I go get everyone from the basement?"

"Yes, please."

As Michael was opening the door, Jenna nearly fell on top of him. Her ear had been leaning against the door. Everyone was behind her, except for Mr. Heere, who was probably still getting something from the vending machine.

Michael blinked. "Ummmmmm..."

Christine and Brooke both burst into tears.

"Guys come on! We gotta do what we planned!" Jake yelled. "One, two, three!"

"We love you Jeremy!" They all said at slightly scattered intervals, and with tears and shouting in all of their voices. They all ran to hug Jeremy, nearly trampling Michael in the process.

"And Jeremy calls _me_ a dork," Michael muttered.

"That was... kinda weird," Jeremy admitted as he was nearly swallowed by arms. Everyone laughed, but there was no awkwardness this time.

Mr. Heere and Dr. Goldberg walked in. They smiled a little at the commotion. When everyone finally peeled away from Jeremy, Dr. Goldberg cleared his throat.

"Jeremy, I was just telling your father about the surgery," Dr. Goldberg said. His father was as still as a statue beside Dr. Goldberg, his face emotionless. The group of friends fell silent. Michael looked at Jeremy expectantly.

Jeremy nodded, ushering for Dr. Goldberg to go on.

"I've told him you were thinking about no, but I was wondering if you've thought anymore about it."

The room was completely silent now without the deep sounds of Dr. Goldberg's voice. Jeremy had already thought about it little, but he thought about it again. He laced his hands and tightened them, and stared at that as a lifeboat.

"I have thought a little more," he started. "And I was thinking-" his voice broke off, and he unlaced his hands. His eyes darted around the room, until they found Michael's.

_It's okay._

_I love you._

Jeremy took a deep breath and continued, not looking away from Michael.

"I was thinking yes. I'll do the surgery."

Everyone cheered around them, and Jeremy and Michael shared a smile.

"On one condition, though." Jeremy broke away from Michael. The room was silent again.

"I want one day and one night free." Jeremy started. "If this surgery is as risky as you claim, I think I should have the right to have one more day and one more night of freedom before going  into this. I'm not in too bad of shape, and I promise to be careful. I swear that I won't run, and I have nowhere to go anyway. So... I'm only doing the surgery if I get that."

Dr. Goldberg's kind eyes narrowed and looked a little hard.

"If he tries to escape, I won't let him." Michael stepped forward.

"Same here!" Jenna spoke up.

"Me too!" Christine squeaked.

The rest made noises of affirmation.

Dr. Goldberg's eyes returned to normal as he sighed. "Fine. But if you try to escape, the hospital might have the right to sue you."

 _I don't know how that would work if I died,_ Jeremy thought, but he kept his mouth shut.

"I understand, sir."

Dr. Goldberg looked at his clipboard. "I think the best time to perform the surgery would be at 10:00 at night. Which means to be safe, you should be back here around 3:00 at least... which also means you can have a day and a half free. If you want."

Jeremy beamed. "Even better."

Dr. Goldberg cautiously smiled. "Then I guess I won't be seeing you tomorrow." And he left the room.

Jeremy turned to his friends. "Looks like we have one more day together."

"And a half," Chloe piped up.

Jeremy rolled his eyes. "And a half."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure there will be 21 chapters, and this is the seventeenth. I still haven't changed the question mark thingy yet, because I'm not positive. But at this point, I know what I want to do with the story and how to wrap it up. So expect 21 chapters, but there might be a little more or a little less. See you next week!


	18. One-on-Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and his friends look around the school, and Jeremy has heartfelt conversations with each of his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn this fanfic is cringey
> 
>  
> 
> sorry about that

The day passed, and everyone went home, even Mr. Heere. He went home and changed clothes, and probably for the first time in his life, he prayed.

He decided it might be best to turn down the job offer after all.

...........................

There was a light in the distance. He could see it, but it was far away. He wanted to go see it, investigate it, but he couldn't get closer. The squip appeared before him. He didn't say anything, but smiled at him, chuckled, and walked towards the light he wanted to go to. He could not scream, he could not follow.

And it was still four o clock in the morning when Jeremy woke up from his dream. He would be released at 6 o clock, but he couldn't sleep anymore. He turned on the TV and watched The Fosters until his brain calmed down and melted, and his eyes blurred; awake but far away.

..............................

Mr. Heere brought Jeremy normal clothes in the morning, so he wouldn't have to walk around in a hospital gown. Jeremy was still instructed to keep his hospital band on, though, so if in an emergency. The squip squad traveled up with Mr. Heere early in the morning to pick up Jeremy.

"Be sure to reserve some of the day for me and Jeremy, too." Mr. Heere instructed them. "After all, he is my son, and-" He broke off and didn't talk again. They all agreed that Jeremy should have some time with his dad.

The doctors hooked Jeremy off of his medicine, and he stood up, a little wobbly. He looked around at his friends, then suddenly got a little embarrassed by the thin hospital gown he was wearing. "Um... be right back," he said, grabbing the clothes from his dad and rushing to the bathroom.

"That was super gay," Jake muttered under his breath to Rich, and Rich shoved him in the side. They kissed as if to prove their point, and Jenna and Brooke rolled their eyes.

Christine started chewing on her fingernails.

Jeremy came back finally in normal clothes seeming a lot more comfortable. He beamed at them all. He made eye contact with Christine and beamed a little more, to let her know he still loved her.

The thought never crossed his mind that Christine might get the wrong idea in which way.

"Shall we go?" he asked.

"Where to?" Jenna asked him, already heading in the direction of the car.

Jeremy thought for a moment. "The school."

.....................

It was the weekend, but marching band had a competition that day, so the school was open at least. They looked around, Jeremy walking through the classrooms, taking his last look.

"You might still come back here," Christine said, entering a room where Jeremy was. They were all looking around in different places. "The surgery might work."

"I know," he said. "But.... just in case."

Christine sat on the desk, next to him, and reached for his hand. Jeremy wanted to pull away, but he didn't want to be rude, either. Christine looked down at their hands.

"I know that even if you make it out," she breathed, "things will never be the same for us. And I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. No matter what. But even I think that it was right that you ended it. If you want to love Michael, like I've been keeping you from doing, go ahead."

"Michael and I are just-" Jeremy started to say, but Christine shook her head.

"No, Jeremy. I was your girlfriend. I know." She looked up. She smiled. "It's fine. I understand. I know you loved me, too. I know you love both. So thank you, for giving me more happiness than I've ever had. Thank you for all of it."

Jeremy stared at her for a long time. "I'll never stop loving you either," he said. "No matter what you think, no matter how I feel about you, I'll never stop loving you."

Christine couldn't contain herself. She kissed Jeremy once, a quick peck. Once, for good measure. Then she said, "We should catch up with everyone else."

...........................

Jeremy had split up with Christine and was now looking for anyone else. They had all spread out. He finally found Jake in one of the lab rooms.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. Jake's back was turned towards the door.

"Hmm?" Jake sniffled, turning towards Jeremy.

He walked closer. "Were you crying?"

"Me? No." he laughed. He stepped forward out of the shadows, so the sun could shine on his face. "I don't cry."

It's true. His face was dry. But somehow, Jeremy could tell Jake was very upset.

"Um... is your dad still moving?" Jake asked.

"I don't know. I feel like whatever happens, if I live, I won't move anyway," Jeremy said. "He might feel like I need stability or something."

"When.... if you're gone later on, I hope your dad stays." Jake turned towards the door and started walking. "It'll be like having you around."

Jake turned around the bend, and Jeremy figured that's as much as he'll show of his emotions for now.

...........................................

Jeremy then ran into Rich, who was in the band room. Marching band was out in the courtyard, but instrument cases were strewn about, open and chaotic. He sat in one of the folding chairs, skulking.

"Christine and I are trying to round everyone up," he said.

"Freshman year I was in marching band," Rich confessed. "I played the trombone."

"Um... okay." Jeremy sat down next to Rich. "Why are you telling me that?"

"Jake doesn't even know that," Rich said. "I felt like you should know, since you might be gone soon."

"I might stay."

"It's weird, it felt like the squip was helping me so much, but then your squip...." he didn't finish, as he thought it might sound offensive, but Jeremy shrugged.

"It sucks. But it's not your fault. Not technically."

"I told you about the squips though."

"I should've done brain surgery, like you. There are other factors lying into how this turned out."

Rich sighed. "I guess so."

They sat in silence before Jenna found them in there. "Rich, can I talk to Jeremy for a moment?"

 _I guess I'm talking to literally everyone today,_ Jeremy thought, but Rich willfully went outside and down the hall.

Jenna started crying when he left.

"Jenna, what-" Jenna wrapped her arms around Jeremy's torso. After a couple seconds she abruptly pulled away and wiped her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"What's _wrong_ is that you're dying, and you're a really good friend!"

"Well, er... I guess so, but... you never used to cry, no matter what!"

She shrugged. "People change. Besides, the day I found out, I was really sensitive, wasn't I? Maybe I've always been like this." She looked up at him. "I'm really really glad you decided to tell me. Even if I didn't tell people like I should've. Thank you."

"I'm glad, too." And they hugged again.

.....................................

"Let's meet at the car," he told Jenna and Rich. "Go wait over there. I think Christine found Jake. I'll go find Brooke and Chloe and Michael." They split off in different directions. After walking down a couple hallways, Jeremy found Brooke in the middle of the gym, alone and small in the vast space.

"Brooke, are you okay?" Jeremy asked, his voice echoing.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Brooke said. She wiped her eyes, but her voice was steady. "I know this is kind of unfair, but can I get some advice?"

"Uh.... sure."

"I like Jenna, but I'm not sure what to do about it." She averted her eyes, and looked down at the sticky gym floor, embarrassed.

Jeremy tried to think of suitable words; he was not exactly shocked, but not sure how to respond, either. "Um... I guess go for it? That worked for me with Christine... kind of.... and Michael..." he muttered that last part.

"What was that last part?" Brooke asked.

He blushed. "Um, nothing!" he said quickly. "Anyway, I know that you're smart and pretty, and so is Jenna, so you guys go perfect together!'

Brooke slowly stood up, and said, "I'll miss you, Jeremy."

She hugged him as Jeremy said, "I might not go anywhere, but.... I'll miss you, too."

....................

He sent Brooke off to the car, and now he had to find Chloe and Michael.

He found Chloe in the lunchroom, sprawled across some lunch tables, and without looking up, she said, "I'm sorry for trying to seducing you."

"That was random."

"Not really. You're dying, so it's time to apologize as soon as possible. Your balls are too big, anyway," she muttered.

"Gee.... thanks."

"Sorry; old habits die hard." She sat up. "If you die, I'll become a better person. If you don't, I'll still be the same selfish bitch I always am. How does that sound?"

"Then I hope I die."

Chloe blanched, then her face contorted in confusion. "Wait-"

He laughed a little. "How about- you become a better person no matter what happens?"

Chloe gave a playful smirk. "We'll see. Also: I'll miss you. We all will."

"I am _very_ aware of that by now," he chuckled.

"What do you mean?"

He smiled. "Nothing. Come on, we're meeting by the car."

........................................

It took longer to find Michael. Everyone was waiting by the car, except for Jeremy, who was looking for Michael.

Finally, he found him in the bathroom. He was sitting on the floor, staring off into space. He looked up. "Sorry. Are we leaving?" he asked.

Jeremy's heart surged with love and affirmation for Michael, and he smiled, but his smile didn't seem big enough. "Yeah, in a couple minutes," he lied. "Stand up."

Michael did, and he was the first one out of all his friends he hugged first. He didn't not want to hug his other friends; he just really, really wanted to hug Michael.

"Thank you for yesterday; getting my hopes up, helping me... see again."

Michael tightened his grip on Jeremy, running his fingers through Jeremy's hair. "You're welcome."

"I wanna stay. I love New Jersey, I love earth, I love you, and I want to stay."

"i want you to stay, too." Michael said. He pulled Jeremy away from him, and kissed him, just as Christine had done, except this one was longer. He pulled away, and they didn't do it again; but they held each other, until it was past time to leave. They walked out together, holding hands.

"Where to now?" Jake asked him. "We've already wasted an hour."

"How about to the arcade?" Jeremy suggested. "We don't have to stay for long."

They all heartily agreed and crammed into the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why the frick
> 
>  
> 
> is this so cringey
> 
> im so sorry


	19. The Last Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the last day commences, ending in a sleepover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't post last week, I was on vacation, but I'm back to posting regularly from now on. Probably.
> 
> Enjoy!

Michael and Jeremy beat Apocalypse of the Damned Level 9; The Cafetorium at the arcade.

The whole group screamed really loudly, but no one as loud as Michael and Jeremy.

Long story short, they got kicked out of the arcade.

"Where to now?" Jake asked casually.

Jeremy actually had no idea. But he said, "Bowling alley?"

"You're a dork," said Jenna, but they went to the bowling alley next.

Jeremy was awful at bowling, especially in his nearly crippled state. Michael was pretty good, as always. Christine begged for bumpers on her turn, but she did decently without them. Jake was good, Rich was not, Jenna was okay, Brooke was okay, but Chloe....

"Chloe, where'd you learn to bowl like that?" Jake asked her when she won for the second time.

She smiled and flipper her hair. "A magician never reveals her secrets."

They played a third time, and this time Jake was able to win, but not by much.

At around this time, it was noon, so they went to get some quality food- Wendy's.

"You know, we could've gone to the fanciest place in town, right?" Jenna said as they walked inside.

"I know," Jeremy said. "But Wendy's is... familiar."

"It's better than McDonald's," Rich said, and everyone agreed.

After lunch, they all went to Jeremy's house and decided to binge-watch a show together. They got through half of _Riverdale_ before they all decided there were probably better things to do before someone died.

"So, where to next?" Christine asked. She was smiling, her eyes sparkling.

"Um..." Jeremy was distracted by watching his father walk into the kitchen. "I'll be right back."

They all nodded, understanding, as Jeremy followed his dad into the kitchen.

"So, uh..." he started hesitantly. "Where has Mom been?"

"She's still around," he said in disgust. "Probably is opening up her hotel room as a prostitute right now."

"Dad!"

He laughed a little, and despite himself, Jeremy did too. He sat down beside his father.

"I'm scared," he confessed.

It was a long time before his father spoke. "I am, too. I'm.... not going to tell you any lies. I'm not sure what's going to happen. I don't want to give you false hope. But, whatever happens... know that I love you very much, Jeremy. That'll never change no matter how hard you try to change it."

Jeremy looked up and saw that his father was trying very hard to hold back tears.

"I'm not going to move," he said softly. "I'm going to stay here, no matter what."

Jeremy realized for the first time how much he would miss his father if he ended up dying. He had been so focused on his friends, he nearly forgot about his father. He hugged his father, so tight, because he was afraid if he loosened his grip, he would die instantly, his spirit leaving his body. His father was his anchor.

After a minute or so of holding each other tight, his father cleared his throat, and said, "You should go back to your friends now."

Jeremy wiped away his tears and smiled. He headed back for his friends.

.............

They were at a place called _Funtasticks_. It had bumper cars, bumper boats, laser tag, laser maze, arcade, lunch, mini golf, and a lot more. They all headed for laser tag first.

Their group was put all on the red team. There was a collection of people on the blue team.

"We're going to destroy them," Jake muttered to Jeremy, chuckling.

"I don't know," Jeremy said. "One of them looks pretty pro at laser tag..."

He decided not to mention this guy also looked like Keanu Reeves. He was a normal person, Jeremy knew, but still, his heart beat faster.

"Someone can't look like they're pro at laser tag," Jake said, laughing. "This is just for fun. Don't worry!"

They were released into the arena a couple minutes later. Everyone looked to Jeremy as if he was their leader.

"Um... don't look at me!" he said. "I'm good in video games, but not in real life. Michael, you give us orders!"

Michael took the helm immediately. "Rich, Jenna, Chloe. Stay here to defend our flag. Spread out a little and get different posts. I'll go wherever I need to. Everyone else, move out; towards the flag!"

Michael stayed with the flag protectors for just then. Jeremy went forwards with Jake, Brooke, and Christine. They crouched along, and it wasn't long until someone hit Jeremy."

"We only have 4 lives, be careful!" Jake yelled, and he swung behind to shoot the person who shot Jeremy. He succeeded, and the other guy retreated.

"Onward!" Christine shouted over the blaring techno music. They crouched along.

They ran into many enemies, but they always had each other's backs. Jake got hit once, so did Christine, Brooke hit twice. But they finally made it to the flag.

"We've got a problem," Brooke muttered. Jeremy looked over her shoulder and found that the Keanu Reeves lookalike was guarding the flag.

He turned and saw them, then started shooting away.

Jake got hit and had to duck out of the way. Brooke and Christine dived after him, but Jeremy was too flustered to figure out what was happening. He got hit, once twice. He fell to the floor as Keanu Reeves advanced on him, and suddenly his head started to throb, he got dizzy, the music and figures swirled around him....

There was a frustrated grunt and Jeremy came back to himself. Michael was there, and he had shot Keanu Reeves twice, it seemed like. His chest was flashing, which meant one more hit, and Keanu Reeves would be out.

Michael held out his hand. "Would you like to do the honors?"

Michael was laughing as if this was the funniest thing; though not in a mean way. It was contagious, and Jeremy laughed too as he stood up and shot Keanu Reeves. His light went out, and he walked back to the entrance.

Michael and Jeremy high-fived each other, until Brooke came charging through, screaming, "The flag! THE FLAG!"

They all grabbed it as a team, and started to race back to the entrance.

Christine's light went out. "KEEP GOING!" she yelled.

Michael, the leader, got hit, and had to follow Christine. "You can do it!"

Jeremy's light flickered, and went out as well. "Oh, no..." he muttered.

Thankfully, they were close enough to the base, that he was able to see Jake and Brooke hand off the flag to Jenna and rich. Chloe was nowhere in sight, but it didn't matter. the lights came up, and an announcer said, "Red team wins."

They all cheered and screamed, and celebrated their victory. The people who had been blasted out did not care; they celebrated as well.

They played laser tag several more times, sometimes on separate teams, and then they went to bumper cars, and bumper boats, and racing the bumper cars, until the sun started to set, and they all headed back to Jeremy's house.

It was sleepover time.

They watched movies late into the night, and got hyped up on candy. It took forever for everyone to wind down, but everyone finally did. They all slept on Jeremy's floor, staring up at his ceiling. Jeremy slept on the floor with them.

"Thank you, guys," he muttered, not sure if anyone was even awake. "This was an amazing day."

"Of course," Rich muttered sleepily.

"We'll do anything for you," they all said.

"Jeremy my buddy," Michael yawned.

They all laughed a little and drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I LOVE Riverdale.
> 
> Anyway, this is sort of like a fun distraction from the darkness looming ahead in the story. Fun laser tag games, and bowling, and whatnot.


	20. Coming Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy heads back to the hospital to confront his surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the reason this chapter is late is because I was literally like 2 sentences away from the chapter that took like an hour or something to write, and then I accidentally closed the tab and lost everything, so I was basically like "**** this **** I'm out"  
> BUT here it is: hopefully finished.

He opened his eyes, disoriented.  The sun was in his eyes, and blinking did not help him focus.

He sat up and looked around. He felt like something was off. His room looked normal, but something about that was the problem. It was late, later than when he usually slept in. His head and heart started to pound.

He then heard the sound and smell of sizzling bacon, and heard people arguing downstairs, which is when the memories that had been lost due to sleep started to come back to him.

He stumbled down the stairs to find his friends arguing in the kitchen. His father was in the room opposite of them, and laughed a little when he saw Jeremy come down the stairs. He motioned for him to join him, so Jeremy did. He leaned against his father like he was a child again. He thought about how when his father smiled, his eyes showed no joy.

A couple minutes later, the group shuffled over to the room. "Mr. Heere- oh, hi Jeremy! You're awake!" Christine was saying. "We made bacon and eggs."

"Should've been done, like, an hour ago," Rich muttered.

"Shut up, Mr. Burn-down-the-house," Chloe snapped.

They all started arguing again, and Mr. Heere shouted over them.

"Why are you all so snappy today?" he asked exasperated.

"I think you know why, Mr. Heere," Jake muttered.

They all glanced at Jeremy.

Mr. Heere sighed. "I know, it's hard for all of us. But arguing won't make it any better. You guys are better than this. Now, let's eat."

They all headed for the kitchen. Jeremy glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven- much later than Jeremy had slept in the last few weeks.

Once they had finished eating, Michael said, "So, Jeremy. You have to be at the hospital at three. What do you want to do in the meantime? Do you want to go somewhere?"

Jeremy shrugged. "Honestly, no. New Jersey isn't even that interesting, and you guys are more important than any location. I'm okay. Let's just stay here, and do whatever we want together."

"Let's watch Infinity War!" Chloe shouted.

"I haven't seen it yet," Jeremy confessed.

They all gasped, but Michael the loudest. "Then we have to watch it. I'll go get it from my house really quickly. I'll be right back!" he sprinted from the kitchen, and came back a couple minutes later.

They spent the next two hours watching the movie. Jeremy was squeezed inside the middle of the group, Christine and Michael on either side of him. Somehow, slowly throughout the movie, their hands found each other. At the end of the movie, without realizing it, they all squeezed the other's hand. When he movie was done, Jeremy held up his hands to see Christine's hand on his left, and Michael's on his right.

They all blushed and laughed.

Then they talked. They might not have gotten another chance to do so, so they talked about so many different things. They made inside jokes, and laughed, and tried to push away any remotely negative feelings.

But finally, Mr. Heere looked up gravely. "It's time to go to the hospital."

.............................

They climbed the stairs to Jeremy's floor.

Mrs. Heere was at the hospital, but not for long. She had waited at the entrance, kissed Jeremy on the cheek, and sped away. Jeremy blushed, his face a mixture of loathing and embarrassment.

When they reached the room, there were doctors there. Mr. Goldberg turned around, and relief crossed his face.

  _Did he really think I was going to run away?_

"Hello, Jeremy," he said warmly. "Your surgery isn't for seven more hours, so please stay here in the hospital, don't go into other's rooms, but other than that feel free to roam around. Please don't eat or drink, and only have a small cup of water if you're thirsty. Okay?"

Jeremy nodded, and the group headed down to the basement.

........................................

"This is torture," Jeremy complained, throwing himself backwards. I can't eat, but have to watch the rest of you, and they're making me wait seven hours! Why can't I get my death over with?"

Mr. Heere said quietly, "Don't joke about that."

"Sorry," Jeremy said. "I'm just really nervous." He flung himself upon his friends. "Distract me, please!"

So they talked for seven hours straight.

But eventually the time came. "Jeremy," Mr. Heere said. "It's time. Let's go up."

As they climbed the stairs, Jeremy got butterflies in his stomach. By the time they reached his room, he could barely even tell his friends were holding him up.

But he was able to get a hold of himself and pull himself up.

Mr. Goldberg said, "Jeremy, we're going to go to a different room for the surgery. Say goodbye to your friends and father here."

Jeremy turned to his friends and his father with tears in his eyes. He smiled anyway, though.

He didn't have much hope.

They wrapped into a big group hug, lingering, not wanting to let go.

But Jeremy pulled away, smiled and waved, tears spilling down.

Then he rounded the bend with Dr. Goldberg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep an eye out for a new fanfiction soon. It'll have Be More Chill, but it'll be a crossover, so not just that. The big difference will be Jeremy will be healthy!
> 
> Anyway, it's really non-descriptive because I deleted the chapter, and I'm just DONE. I really want to give you guys the best, but it's been a really hard week. I promise though, the last two chapters I've been writing for a long time, and I promise those will be excellent.
> 
> UPDATE: I worked on the chapter, tried to make it better. Also: you know what's sort of funny (but really sad) my friend landed in the hospital yesterday, so now it's like I'm Michael.  
> Don't worry, she's out now, and perfectly fine ;)


	21. Near Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy goes into surgery, as his friends and father worry about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is this chapter, and then one more chapter after this one
> 
> It's almost done, guys!!!!
> 
> I've been working this one and the next chapter in my head for a while, so I hope you guys enjoy it!!
> 
> (also, I have been lucky enough to not need a surgery at this point in my life, so I don't know what surgeries are like... sorry for my bad work at explaining it).  
> Also, the chapter is very scatterbrained. It has lots of Points of views, and it's very different than some other chapters. But hopefully you guys still understand what is going on! If not, sorry!!!!!!!!

After a couple minutes of getting everything prepared, Jeremy was ready for his surgery.

Jeremy could honestly not tell whether he was on the verge of a panic attack, or calmer than he'd ever been. It was a mixture of both, but he couldn't understand how.

Dr. Goldberg gave him a smile. "Are you ready?"

_I wish I could say goodbye to my friends again, and again, until it was the perfect ending. Until I didn't have to go at all._

_I wish I could see my dad again._

But there was no possible way to turn back now, so he smiled sadly and nodded.

He was laid onto a hospital bed, and unfamiliar people crowded him. Jeremy steeled himself. He was ready.

They put a mask on his face, and the world faded around him.

......................

Dr. Goldberg came back to Jeremy's hospital room a few moments later.

"You all should go home," Dr. Goldberg said. "Jeremy will be in surgery for many hours, and it would do you all good to sleep."

Though they all wanted to argue, all the friends were extremely exhausted. "Can we come back tomorrow, to see what happened?" Christine asked.

 Dr. Goldberg nodded. "Certainly. But you won't be doing him any good to sleep here. Go home; go get some rest."

"I'll drive them home," Mr. Heere said, "But then I am coming right back here."

Dr. Goldberg nodded. "Fine by me."

...................

No one spoke on the way home. They wondered if it was because Jeremy wasn't there; maybe it was because he was the missing link in their conversations, the one that held them all together.

If Jeremy died.... what would happen to their friend group?

"The minute I find out what is going on," Mr. Heere said, "I will text you all. You can wake up and find out what's... how Jeremy is doing."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Heere," Michael said. He was nearly in tears from worry, gripping himself. The others felt as insecure as him in that moment, but the others were better at hiding it.

When they got to their community of houses, Mr. Heere wasted no time dropping everyone off, and everyone understood; he had to get back to his son. When they got to their house, they quickly got out, said a short goodbye, and ran to their front door.

Michael was the last one to be dropped off. "Thank you, Mr. Heere," he said. "Not just for driving us home, but for.... everything you've done, in the last few years.

Mr. Heere smiled sadly. "Well, we're about to see if any of that even mattered."

Michael shut the car door, and the car drove back in the direction of the hospital.

All the friends, all in separate houses, fell asleep, exhausted.

.................

Mr. Heere got back to the hospital, and found Dr. Goldberg. "How is he doing?"

"It's a little early to tell," Dr. Goldberg admitted, "And I haven't been in there myself yet. But I assure you, we have very talented surgeons operating on your son right now."

Mr. Heere didn't feel any more relaxed. He would only feel relaxed when his son was fixed. He sat on a chair in his son's room, and Dr. Goldberg sat with him, making friendly conversation. Mr. Heere was very distracted, but he tried to talk to him; he really tried.

He was very tempted to go home and take off his pants.

.......................

In some brain surgeries, the patient is awake, but this wasn't the case this time. Jeremy was fast asleep, and many surgeons surrounded him, operating on him.

They all muttered things, working together. A team. They all held out their hands, asking for tools, being very careful.

Of course, even being careful doesn't always work.

"Sir, he doesn't look very good," one of the surgeons told the head surgeon. "His heartbeat is seeming to slow a little."

"Be careful," the doctor said. "Stay away from that area of the brain there. And let's hook him up to some drugs for the surgery to help his heartbeat."

"Sir, if we do that right now, it would be very dangerous," another surgeon said. "With the state he's in, those drugs would be very lethal for him."

"What if it's a lost cause?" someone in the room whispered.

..................

Jeremy's eyes opened.

He looked around, but it was almost as if he wasn't. He was submerged in complete darkness.

He felt his legs and feet move, but it was as if nothing was happening. Everything stayed the same. Nothing changed. He was moving through tar.

...............

"We can't simply give up on a patient," the head surgeon said sternly. "Someone call Dr. Goldberg in here, update him on how we're doing. We can see the metal inside his brain, can't we? All we need now is a steady hand to pull it out, and some medicine to treat the swelling in the brain."

One of the surgeons went down the hall to find Dr. Goldberg. The head surgeon grabbed a tweezers-like object and prepared to reach down and grab the tic-tac-looking object.

..........

A surgeon entered the room. "Dr. Goldberg? They want you down there, to talk to."

Mr. Heere stood up. "I'm coming as well."

"I'm afraid you can't-"

"Please." Mr. Heere begged. "I won't enter the room if you don't want me to, but I need to see where he is. I need to be near him."

The surgeon sighed, but gave in. "As long as you stay out of the room."

Mr. Heere followed Dr. Goldberg and the nameless surgeon down a couple halls, until they came to a door, with a small window on the door. Dr. Goldberg and the surgeon entered.

...................

"The father insisted on following us," the surgeon said. "He's outside the room now."

They all looked over to see a face peering through the window.

The lead surgeon explained to Dr. Goldberg what he was about to do, and Dr. Goldberg nodded with a strange solemnity.

The lead surgeon carried on, reaching down for the pill shaped metal object.

.................

There was a light in the distance. He could see it clearly now.

................

Little did everyone there know, that the smallest touch of metal would ruin Jeremy's brain even more than the pill already had. The lead surgeon succeeded in pulling out the tic-tac metal object, and he and everyone else in the room smiled in triumph. But it was too late. What he had pulled out was an empty shell of metal, though still harmful. The memory of the squip- the essence of the squip- still took hold in Jeremy's mind. And the tweezers were metal, which harmed Jeremy's mind, making his brain more inflated than it already was. And this is what made Jeremy's heart start to skip beats, and start flat lining. Though his heart started beating again pretty quickly, it was impossible to ignore the straight beeping that showed up, however short it was.

................

The world abruptly lightened, and he felt himself running to the light.

................

"Wait, what? We got the metal out! What happened?" One of the surgeons shrieked.

"You-" he pointed to Dr. Goldberg. "Get medicine to treat the infected brain. Go quickly, before it's too late."

Dr. Goldberg ran as fast as he could.

Mr. Heere could see they were all in a panic, and as Dr. Goldberg sped past him, nearly knocking him over, he got the impression even stronger. He looked inside, and saw the monitor hooked up to his son flat lining on and off, and then his own heart stopped.

..............

He was almost there, reaching for it, when he stopped abruptly.

He wasn't alone.

...............

_Where is it?_

Dr. Goldberg was shoving through all the medicine, frantic. _Where is it?_

He finally found it, and ran back to the surgery rooms.

.............

There were his friends. All of them. Michael, Jenna, Christine, Brooke, Rich, Jake. And the squip, in a white suit, standing opposite of them. He smiled, not glitchy in the least.

But where was his dad?

...........

Mr. Heere burst into the surgery room, kneeling beside his son, and started to sob. The flat lining was becoming longer, and increasingly louder in everyone's ears.

"Jeremy, no. Please no."

............

"Hello, Jeremy," the squip said, stepping forward. He wasn't speaking in Japanese anymore. "Are you ready?"

Jeremy looked at his friends. "Where's my dad?"

............

"Jeremy, I love you." Mr. Heere was a sobbing mess. "Jeremy, I love you, so many people love you. Don't leave your friends, d-don't leave me, or Michael or Christine, don't leave me. I love you Jeremy. I love you..."

Dr. Goldberg came sprinting in with the medicine, but everyone was starting to determine it was too late.

...........

"I'm not sure," Chloe said. "Maybe he's unable to be here for some reason?"

"Tell my dad I love him?" he asked of Michael. He nodded, surprisingly calm.

They were all surprisingly calm.

He turned to the squip. "Can I say goodbye?"

The squip said nothing, but he stepped back. Jeremy turned back to his friends.

He opened his mouth to say something, then laughed, a little nervously, "Wow," he said.

"Here we are."

There were no tears yet, but there was sadness.

Deep sadness.

There would be tears later.

............

The surgeons tried in vain to hook up the medicine.

"Someone get the defibrillator!" No one was even sure who was saying what at this point.

..............

"Goodbye, Jake." Jake smiled, and nodded, and waved. He wouldn't hug Jeremy. He couldn't bear to.

"Goodbye Rich," he said.

"Goodbye, Jeremy," Rich said. "Go... dance to the thump of angel wings, or something."

They all laughed a little.

"Goodbye, Clo-" Jeremy was cut short when Chloe flung herself upon him. If it was inappropriate, it didn't matter, anyway. He was dying. He was dead. Christine and Michael had both lost.

"Bye." she said nothing more and pulled herself away from Jeremy's chest. She averted eye contact, and returned to the group of friends.

"Brooke..." Jeremy gestured to Brooke to step forward. Before he died, he figured he should give some relationship advice.

He glanced at Jenna as he whispered in Brooke's ear, "Go for it. Tell her how you feel."

Brooke pulled back a little, astonished but pleased. She nodded. Jeremy pulled her into a hug. Brooke was his first girlfriend, and though he used her, he did love her; even if it wasn't in the same way.

.............

"Clear!" someone shouted. They put the defibrillator upon Jeremy's chest. Flat lining continued.

Mr. Heere continued to sob.

"Clear!"

.............

"Jenna." Jenna smiled sadly, and stepped up to Jeremy. She whispered in Jeremy's ear, "I love her. So don't worry."

She hesitated before also saying, "I love you, too. Have a good time, wherever you're going." She hugged him tight. "Thank you, for everything."

"No. Thank _you_."

And then it was Christine and Michael's turn.

Jeremy was at a loss for words. He had to wait for them to come to him.

Next thing he knew, they were both hugging him, no words. Michael buried his face in his shoulder, and Christine kissed him softly on the cheek.

"I love you both," Jeremy said honestly, only loud enough they could hear him.  "I'm sorry I never figured out our... weird love triangle."

"It's okay," Christine muttered lovingly. "It's okay."

"We love you, Jer." Michael stared into his best friend's eyes, for the last time. "I love you."

The rest came up and there was one final group hug.

Never to happen again.

The squip cleared his throat. "Are you ready, Jeremy?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm ready."

............

"CLEAR!" They tried one more time.

Nothing happened.

The surgeons stood back, panting. The only sound was Mr. Heere's sobbing.

He clutched his son's shirt, and pulled himself up, staring into the surgeon's eyes, pleading. "Tell me something good. He's alive. He's alive, right? He has to be alive...

"He has to be."

...........

He smiled one last time at his friends, then turned away. The squip reached out his hand, and Jeremy took it, grasping tightly. He was thankful to have something to hold on to. Together, they walked toward the light.

He stopped a couple steps away, butterflies in his stomach. The squip looked at him quizzically, but warmly, as if it had learned how to have emotions.

Jeremy wanted to see his friends again, but if he looked back, he wouldn't be able to bear it. He took one more breath for luck.

_Don't look back._

_Don't look back_

He took a few more steps. The light took them, swallowing Jeremy Heere whole.

..........

At 12:02 A.M., Michael, Christine, Jenna Brooke, Chloe, Rich, and Jake all woke up crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... yep.  
> That happened.  
> I didn't expect the author to cry about there own story, but there I did it. Maybe it's because I gained an emotional connection to this story BECAUSE I wrote it, but either way... I was sad. I don't know how other people feel about the story though....  
> One more chapter, and then I will be writing a much happier story!


	22. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jeremy's death, we glimpse into the life of his friends and family, and how their lives are different without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter of this story....
> 
> I'll be writing more fanfiction soon, please read those. I'm taking a break until the new year, but then I'll be back with another BMC fanfiction!  
> It'll probably be a little more PG than this one, but of course, there will be some angst... you'll see.
> 
> Please enjoy this last chapter!
> 
> P.S. this made me cry while writing it.....

Jeremy Heere died at 12:02 A.M. on Monday morning.

The squip squad woke up crying, not sure exactly why at first. But when they got the call later that morning, they knew what it would be about deep in their heart, and the memory of the dream came back to them. They never ended up asking the others if they had the same dream, because for some reason, they knew that they had.

They all coincidentally decided to take a sick day at the same time.

They didn't call each other. Each needed some time on their own to think their own thoughts, and process it in their own way.

Jake, Rich, Chloe and Brooke braved going to school the next day. The others still felt too sick to their stomach to try going to school.

Mr. Heere had been unheard of since the call Monday morning. No one knew where he was until the funeral invitations went out Wednesday night. Even then, they didn't see Mr. Heere personally.

Christine, Jenna, and Michael went to school on Thursday. Tear lines seemed to be permanently etched into Michael's face, but he didn't bother trying to clean himself up. He sat in his classes in a daze, not paying attention to anything.

An assembly in the auditorium that day was dedicated for Jeremy, which felt a little like a slap to the face for the squip squad. They were all trying to move on as quickly as possible, and now they had to sit there as they listened to all the teachers talk about what a blessing Jeremy was.

 _He was a blessing_ Christine thought.

 _He was an angel_ thought Michael.

Lunch came, and it was the first lunch they were all at school since Jeremy had died.

Except it was very dysfunctional.

Chloe had ditched them all to sit with girls she hardly knew, but was cuddling up to them like they were old friends. Rich and Jake sat alone at a table, and Jenna did the same thing. Halfway through lunch, after twiddling her thumbs and doing some serious thinking, Brooke stood up and joined Jenna. Michael watched them from across the lunchroom, watching Brooke reach for one of Jenna's hands. He saw Jenna burst into tears, and Brooke comfort her, hold her close. They pulled back, and Jenna reached forward to kiss her.

Michael turned away.

The only people that remained at the table were Michael and Christine.

The funeral was a week later, on Saturday. The squip squad had not been together and had not spoken until that Sunday when they said goodbye to Jeremy.

Mr. Heere, though he hadn't seen them since Sunday, noticed at the funeral, that though they weren't mad at each other, they were not speaking as friends do.

They all sat in the pew, listening to the talks given, hanging on to every word.

Mr. Heere had a talk himself.

He walked up there, and aimed his words at the squip squad.

 "Before this entire mess," Mr. Heere started, "I had these... troubles. When my wife left me, I couldn't seem to find the will to get ready for the day. I always hung around the house with no pants on, and Jeremy-" Mr. Heere chuckled softly, "he would always yell at me to get my pants on. Then... well, things changed one day. Jeremy was going through... a hard time, and I realized I needed to be there for my son. I had to step up. So, when he landed in the hospital a couple days later, I was able to be there for him. Pants and all." he paused. "When Jeremy died, I have to admit. The first thing I did when I got home... I took my pants off. And I was like that for a couple days. I couldn't seem to find the will to do anything. But eventually I thought I heard my son's voice tell me to put my pants on. And suddenly I realized that I couldn't put my life on hold. Jeremy wanted me to have a full life, with no depression. I knew that he didn't want me to remain like that. So I put my pants on, I went back to my job, and I feel a lot better now that I am active."

He took a shaky breath. "I miss Jeremy so much. Nothing's ever going to change that. I wish I could, but this hurt will always be with me. But so will Jeremy. And life will move on, and the hurt will lessen. And I know Jeremy will always love me, and be cheering for us."

Suddenly the squip squad gave a collective gasp. They were not sure if it was a trick of the light.... but suddenly they saw Jeremy. Behind Mr. Heere, smiling at his father. Smiling at them.

And then he was gone again.

Mr. Heere's speech ended, and so did the funeral. All went to the graveyard to lower him into the earth.

And then he was truly gone forever.

Before the squip squad could leave, Mr. Heere grabbed them. "You're all coming with me for milkshakes." It wasn't a request; it was a command.

They were at Sonic, sipping milkshakes quietly a couple moments later. They weren't sure what to say.

"How have you been, Mr. Heere?" Christine asked quietly.

"Like hell." Now that it was after the funeral, Mr. Heere looked very tired. "What about you guys?"

None of them spoke. None of them wanted to admit the pain they had been through in the last week.

Finally, Chloe said something. "Same here. My new friends suck, and I wish everything was normal again."

"I miss you guys a lot," Jenna confessed as well. "I mean, it's great eating with you alone, Brooke..." she smiled and took Brooke's hand, "but I miss you all. And I'm really scared nothing will be the same again."

"I feel the same way," Rich said, his voice catching a little. "Is it all right, if we... I don't know. I miss you all. I miss Jeremy."

"We all miss him," Michael said. Tears flowed freely down his face as they had every day. However, instead of quietly in his room, he cried in front of his friends now. "But there's no way to get him back. We have to honor his legacy. Who's with me?"

They all were crying now, but they all put their hands in the middle, smiling.

..................

Mr. Heere became like a second father to all of them.

They hung out as a group every weekend, either choosing to hurt and cry together or try to leave the pain behind.

The next Monday, they sat at the same lunch table again. They purposefully left the seat empty where Jeremy used to sit, and they chose to not ignore it. They glanced at it often, wishing he was there.

Slowly but surely, there pain started to melt away.

Of course, there were bumps along the way. It would not happen fast.

Michael, though trying to connect, had been getting quieter and quieter, until one day, Mr. Heere saw an ambulance riding towards Michael's house. He sighed, got in the car, and followed the ambulance to the hospital.

"Mr. Heere," Dr. Goldberg said, surprised. He happened to be Michael's doctor by coincidence as well. "What are you doing here? How... how are you doing?"

"I'm doing alright," Mr. Heere shrugged. "How is Michael doing?"

"Would you like to talk with him alone?"

"Yes please."

Michael was crying again and holding his slit wrist.

"Why would you do that to yourself?" Mr. Heere was stern, but not angry.

"I miss him a lot," he said. "He was my best friend. Nothing is the same without him. That sounds dumb, I know, but he's the closest friend I will ever have. And now he's gone-"

He couldn't speak anymore, and Mr. Heere came up to him and hugged him. They remained like that a long time.

"I know, it's hard. But you can't guarantee you will never find another friend as close as him. And you have other friends, right?"

Michael nodded, wiping the tears away from his face.

"If you ever feel like that again, call me. But _please_ promise me.... _and_ Jeremy, he wouldn't want you to do that.... that you will never to that again."

Michael smiled at the thought of Jeremy looking out for him. "I promise."

.............

_Ding-dong._

Mr. Heere opened his door. Michael was there. It had been a couple weeks since he had gotten out of the hospital.

"Wha- Michael?"

Michael smiled. "Hi, Mr. Heere."

"What are you doing here?"

He shrugged.

He spoke in a low voice, "You do realize Jeremy... he's not here anymore, right?"

Michael nodded. "I know. I'm here for you."

Mr. Heere smiled and opened the door wider.

................

Michael was best friends with someone again- and it wasn't Jeremy. It was his father.

He came over every day- not to play video games, but to talk to Mr. Heere, to check up on how he was doing.

He sometimes checked what Jeremy's room looked like now. Some stuff had been cleared out, but most of it was still there. And it probably would be until Mr. Heere decided to move out one day.

The squip squad was closer than ever, and Mr. Heere was like an additional dad to all of them- especially Michal. Michael and Christine hung out a lot too, since they were Jeremy's closest friends, and having each other around was like having a piece of Jeremy near them.

And then soon, summer vacation rolled around. It was their summer between junior and senior year. They all hung out all week, celebrating their success.

Mr. Heere had to go on a business trip that summer, so he said a hearty goodbye to the rest of the group, promising they would see him in another week. He drove off, and the rest of the group went home.

......................

Meanwhile, the next day, Mr. Heere's business conference was over. He packed up his things.

it was a cloudy day, gray clouds looming overhead. The wind was cold, and there were leaves scattered along the sidewalk. He shivered, walking towards his car.

Suddenly, he was seized with a sharp sadness for the loss of his son. He wheezed, and leaned against a nearby tree, catching his breath, so sad he could barely breathe.

Life would always be like this; he would move on with his life, but sometimes there were moments when he missed his son so much he had to take a break from reality for a moment.

And when the sharp part of it was gone, and replaced with a dull throb, Mr. Heere started to cry. He leaned his head against the bark, and didn't care who saw him. The only person he wanted to see was Jeremy. Why did life have to take this turn? It was so unfair.

He didn't know how long he sobbed against the tree before someone tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey... are you okay?"

He turned around and found a woman about his age, wearing hospital scrubs (which felt a little like a slap to the face considering what he was crying about). She had curly blonde hair with some of it tied back, and she looked very tired.

He wiped away his tears, suddenly feeling embarrassed. He nodded, but did not speak. Unfortunately, a couple traitor tears slid down his face anyway.

The woman looked at him with concern. "Here, let's get you to your car. Where's your car?"

"Um..." he pointed down the sidewalk. His voice was raspy. "The small gray one... there."

She dragged him by his sleeve to the hood of his car, where they leaned against it. She didn't leave, which surprised him. He wiped away the remainder of hie tears, hiccuping and blushing.

_This is embarrassing._

"I'm sorry," Mr. Heere laughed a little.

"No, I'm happy to help." she smiled.

"You probably have somewhere to be."

"Yeah... but I work late most nights. My son will understand that I'm late."

"Oh... you have a son?"

"Yeah." she smiled at him. "Just graduated." she turned to him. "Do you?"

Mr. Heere looked away and tried to control his tears.

"Oh...." she looked away. "Do... you want to talk about it? If you don't want to tell a stranger, I completely understand."

To Mr. Heere's surprise, he found himself wanting to explain everything.

So he did. He explained everything that happened in the past year, how Jeremy had found a squip, how he had died from his mistake. He told his son's story, and the woman listened patiently.

_Who lives, who dies, who tells your story._

"I'm so sorry... but it's so great you're moving on with your life," she told him. "And it's perfectly understandable. My life is extremely stressful, and sometimes..." she lowered her voice, "sometimes I just go into the bathroom... and I just sob. I just let it all out."

"You seem to have a good life." Mr. Heere smiled at her.

"My son went through a hard time this year," she said, "and I wasn't there for him. I went through a nasty divorce many years ago, and I'm still recovering from that. I have school at night, and work during the day... my life isn't a picnic."

"I suppose no one's is," Mr. Heere said, looking up at the sky. He felt like Jeremy was looking down at him.

"So... you said you were divorced as well?" the woman said.

Was that hope in her voice?

"Yes, and she is a terror," Mr. Heere said. The woman laughed.

They talked for a long time, until the sun started to set, and even then, talked some more.

"I'm sorry," the woman said. "I should probably go home, and get my son some dinner. He has anxiety."

"What was his name again?"

She smiled. "Evan. And yours is Jeremy?"

"Yes." Mr. Heere smiled at the way she said his name _is Jeremy_ instead of _was Jeremy_.

"I just realized... I don't know your name." Mr. Heere smiled. "Mine is Jasper Heere." He held out his hand to shake.

The woman took it and shook back. "And mine is Heidi Hansen."

Mr. Heere looked into her eyes, and did something he never would've done before Jeremy's death. I suppose everything had made him more daring and adventurous.

"Well, Heidi, i'm going to be blunt. Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Heidi's face lit up. "Yes! Yes. I would like that. Very much."

...........................

"I wish Jeremy made it to graduating high school," Brooke said wistfully. It was a couple days later, and they were all lying in the grass. It was a bright sunny day, with a couple clouds in the sky. Mr. Heere would be coming back soon. They would see him soon.

Brooke was holding hands with Jenna, Rich and Jake held hands, Chloe stretched out perfectly content to be alone, and Christine and Michael both held hands as well. Their love for each other was more like a sibling's love, however.

"I wish that, too." Chloe sighed.

"But he did, didn't he?" Jake said.

"Or he will," Rich said, completing Jake's thoughts. "Through us."

"You're right, guys." Michael sat up. "Jeremy will always be with us, wherever we go. When we graduate high school, go to college, get married, have kids.... he'll always be watching over us."

"And someday..." Christine sat up as well, and everyone else did, too. "Someday, I hope.... we can join him. Wherever he is."

They all got a little emotional, but that was okay. At the mention of Jeremy it was okay to get a little emotional. Though their friend was dead, it was okay to feel happy again. They smiled and looked up at the cloudy blue sky.

Suddenly, they _knew_ \- with complete certainty- that Jeremy was up there. Staring at them like they were trying to find him. And somewhere, they knew he smiled and waved.

They smiled and waved at the sky. Any cars driving by would think they were crazy. But they knew they weren't. They were waving to something perfectly reasonable.

They were all sane.

Sane and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end!
> 
> How'd you guys like the ending?
> 
> Spoiler alert.... the next fanfiction I'm writing will be based off of that encounter... with Mr. Heere and, you know.... however, Jeremy will be alive!
> 
> Thank you all SO MUCH for reading, you guys are the best, and I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Please come back January 6th, and I will have more content for you guys to read! Thank you again, and have a very merry Christmas!!

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!!


End file.
